Fascism And The GOP (Part One).

I was perusing the internet today (something I haven't had time to do in a long while) and I stumbled upon this handy little guide that defined Fascism in fourteen simple characteristics.  So instead of writing something about killing tools (guns) or general ignorance, I decided to draw up a comparison of what a Fascist state is like and what the modern Republican party is like.

Now before I go on, I want to get one thing clear: this is a liberal comedy/information blog written by an independent.  So while I could compare this same list to the Democrats (who do line up with a few of the numbers, but not the majority of them like the GOP does), I won't.  Do that yourself, you lazy fuck.

Another note: I am fully aware that this has probably been done before as the internet is a very large place.  Hell, I found one that compared the fourteen points to President Obama, albeit in a not-very-serious manner.

Here's the quick foreword from the website I got these from: "Dr. Lawrence Britt has examined the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia) and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each."

Standard Right Wing Propaganda: Women Have Abortions For Funsies.

Let's get something straight right off the bat: no woman decides to have an abortion because a fetus is "annoying."  Not only is that an ignorant thing to say, but it's also incredibly insulting. And flushing it down a sink?! Really?  Is that supposed to be a metaphor for abortion because, if so, it's vile, misleading, and totally ridiculous.  All liberals know that the correct way to have an abortion is to flush it down a toilet.

One thing I'd really like to point out is that drinking alcohol while pregnant and having an abortion are in two separate wheelhouses.  The former assumes that you are going to give birth to a child and, obviously, consuming alcohol is a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.  The latter assumes that you are not going to give birth because, you know, you aren't having a baby.  Abortion terminates a pregnancy on the spot.  Drinking alcohol when pregnant screws up a person's life for, well, his/her entire life.

But wait, there's more!

This one is just in poor taste (then again, you'd be hard pressed to find something at LiberalLogic101 that isn't).

A madman killed twelve people in Aurora, Colorado.  These people had loved ones, thoughts, memories, experiences.  They had likes and dislikes.  They knew music and love.  A fetus does not know those things.  In fact, it knows nothing at all.

And clearly the person running LiberalLogic101 doesn't either.

Alright, last one.  I promise.

  
You know what doesn't mention either one?  The New Testament.  Maybe you should check that out sometime and actually put the practices it does preach to good use. 

And, uh, you do have the right to own a gun.  Was that ever in dispute?  The difference here is that a gun is not part of the human body.  Again, two different wheelhouses.  It seems like the only way conservatives can get their points across to each other is to mash two completely separate arguments into one semi-coherent cluster-fuck of words and provocative images.

That definitely explains Fox News. 

The True Mission Of The Left-Wing (Exposed)!

Governor Phil Bryant of Mississippi (pictured above) knows a secret.  Despite my (and my fellow liberals) many attempts to stop him from revealing this secret to the public, he has gone ahead and blabbed anyway. 

I don't get it.  I tried everything that would appeal to a Republican.  I offered to pay him off.  I offered to quit college and vote GOP.  I offered to treat women like they were subservient to me for the rest of my life.  And when all that failed, I even told him that I would convert to Christianity and declare a new Crusade on all non-Christians.  Still no dice.

The War Against Women.

Women.  They've been a thorn in our testicles ever since the One True God created them out of our manly ribs.  They get us kicked out of paradise by eating that fucking apple, and then they have the ovaries to complain when God curses them with menstruation and painful childbirth.  Don't do the crime if you can't do the time, ladies.

~6,000 years later on the other side of the Earth, women start to argue that they have rights too - that they are, in fact, human beings, and not just our childbearing, child-raising, maids/nannies.  While the idea itself is, to this day, laughable at best, they somehow managed to convince those damned bleeding heart liberal jag-offs in Washington to let them vote in 1920.  

Okay, okay.  Being allowed to vote probably isn't that big of a deal.  It's not like we'll ever have a president with a vagina, right?  But then they start running for Congress, and here's where things get messy.  Why?  Because women have no right to dictate how us men run our lives, our country, and our money.  It's as simple as that.  

Charles Van Zant Wants To Make Abortions In Florida Illegal.

 

State Representative Charles Van Zant (R) of Florida is your typical Republican. He's old, he's white, and he's attempting to push a law forward that is radically insane: The "Florida For Life Act." The FFLA would make it a felony not to have an abortion, but to perform one.  And the consequence?

Oh, you know, life in prison.  Physicians won't be able to perform abortions, even if the patient wants one, even in cases of rape, unless:

(a) Two physicians certify in writing to the fact that, to a reasonable degree of medical certainty, the termination of pregnancy is necessary to prevent the death of the patient;

(b) Two physicians certify in writing to the fact that, to a reasonable degree of medical certainty, the termination of pregnancy is necessary because to continue the pregnancy would unreasonably reduce the likelihood of successful treatment of a life-threatening disease of the patient; or

(c) A physician certifies in writing that a medical emergency existed and another physician was not available for consultation prior to the time necessary to perform the termination of pregnancy. The physician’s written certification must clearly describe the medical emergency.

   

This bill is psychotic.  At least Van Zant stopped at the maximum life sentence as opposed to his Georgian counterpart, Bobby Franklin, who wanted to make miscarriages a felony, punishable by the death penalty.  

Van Zant is such a cool, villain name too.  I say he should go for broke.  You know, up the ante.  Why stop with the physicians performing abortions?  How about locking up people for talking about it?  After all, that could easily be considered intent to murder.

Pat Robertson is God's Weatherman.

I was originally going to do the Koch Brothers today in an attempt to go straight down the list over at Addicting Info, but the recent east-coast quake unearthed some hateful religious sediment that I couldn't ignore.

Marion Gordon "Pat" Robertson is a televangelist and hardcore evangelical preacher that can be seen on his show The 700 Club.  He is also quite well known for being pure human garbage.  Just to refresh your memory, this is the guy that co-blamed the September 11th attack on "pagans, abortionists, gays, lesbians, and feminists" and said that Hurricane Katrina was God's punishment against the U.S. for our abortion policies.    

What really bothers me about Pat Robertson is that, despite his claims, he is not a Christian.  He just runs his show and says this awful bullshit for money.  Infamous quotes aside, Pat Robertson has more skeletons in his closet than could possibly fit.  

Miscarriage Equals Prenatal Murder... If You Are A Dumbass.

Representative Bobby Franklin of Georgia.

His appearance is similar to an "all-grown-up", "never been dead", 

Casper... assuming Casper was a pasty-faced, misogynistic, asshole.

Because I don't want to hemorrhage my brain this morning, I'm going to try and make this post as brief and as to-the-point as I possibly can: Georgia State Republican House Representative Bobby Franklin is a fucker.

He is a stupid, ignorant, uneducated fucker.  He has no idea how the human body works, and has clearly never even had an intimate conversation with a woman.  I like to picture him as the guy that always plugs his ears or leaves the room during health class because "private parts are icky".  Why do I say this?

Representative Franklin is drafting a bill to be put forth in the state house (not the federal, mind you) that would criminalize miscarriages.  I'm sure that you're probably thinking, "Well, if abortions are illegal, then self-induced miscarriages probably are too."  Well, you'd be wrong.

Doctors have little to no idea what exactly causes miscarriages.  In fact, many women miscarry before they even know they are pregnant- we only know about the ones that occur between the middle and the end of a pregnancy.  Let me run you through an imaginary conversation between a doctor and would-be mother.