Mike Huck Vs. Nat P

Meet Natalie Portman - A Harvard Graduate, a fantastic

Hollywood actress, and a soon-to-be Mom.  But she has a secret...

Both her and her unborn child are already destined for HELL.

I just have to soak in this moment.  Two worlds have collided in the best of ways as former presidential candidate Mike Huckabee attacked Natalie Portman for being pregnant.  Is it because she leads a destructive lifestyle of drugs, parties, sex, and violence?  No, no.  No destructive lifestyle for Natalie.  Huckabee has called Portman out for being pregnant out of wedlock.  

First of all, I'd like to say that Mike Huckabee has no business sticking his nose into Natalie's personal bubble.  It's not his kid (I hope), and therefore it's not his concern.  Just because he's a talking hate machine for Fox News, doesn't mean he receives the ability to wedge his way into people's sex lives.

Second of all, it's worth mentioning that Huckabee's issue isn't just about the fact that she is having a child out of wedlock, but also that she "serves as a bad role model" for doing so.  

Because I am a man of lists, I'm just going to outline the main things that piss me off about Huckafuck calling her out on this.

The Sheen-Machine.

"Why doesn't anyone understand?!  I beat women and do

heavy drugs while working on an unfunny sitcom!  What

part of that isn't clear after a goddamn decade!?"

Do you see this man?  This man right here?  He is a narcissistic fucking lunatic.  And yet, for some strange reason, the media is going crazy over him.  For the past week, one of CNN's top headlines has been about this raging douche and, after checking other news outlets, I was shocked to discover that they weren't alone.

This is not Hollywood's first rodeo with an egotistical assclown like Mr. Sheen here.  In fact, it is hardly their tenth with him in particular.  At least once a year, the rest of the world and I play witness to a Sheen-Machine breakdown. One year he's beating his wife, the next year he's in rehab, the year after that he's sober but screwing/beating porn stars...  Rinse and repeat.

And now he's saying crazy shit about his sub-standard television sitcom that, in all honesty, is about as funny as British humor.  As of the moment, he makes $2 million an episode (really?!), and he wants that bumped up to $3 million per episode.  I would rather go with a system where he gets paid based on how many laughs the show gets from its audience, multiplied by one hundred.  Oh, shit... then he'd work for nothing.  "Two Guys and A Sheen" got axed, and had to finish the season a few episodes short due to his latest antics (such as insulting everyone else on the show and the network on national tv/radio).

Oh, but it gets better.  When defending his "honor" on several talk shows, the Sheen-Machine has been talking about how he's been receiving calls from celebrity friends that are totally on his side.  One of his examples?  Mel.  Fucking. Gibson.  That is like being a four-time murderer on trial, only to call Jeffery Dahmer to the stand to defend you.  

So I beg you, America.  Stop paying attention to him.  He has a God-Complex the size of his drug closet (it takes up a whole wing in his mansion, if you weren't aware), and an attitude that is matched only by his level of douchebaggery.  Don't believe me?  He keeps two porn stars around and calls them his "goddesses".  You aren't Zeus, Sheen-Machine, and those ladies certainly aren't part of your harem.  They're only with you because of your money and rapidly deteriorating fame.  But I guess you'll find that out soon enough.

    

The Difference Between "News" and "Shit Nobody Cares About".

No, this is not marijuana- it's salvia, and it is incredibly potent.  

I am beginning to wonder if the news networks we have here in America even know what "news" is.  I have seen too many stories like the one above make national headlines, causing every moron with an earpiece and a microphone to comment on it in one form or another.  

Miley Cyrus news should be left to Access Hollywood and other networks that nobody watches.  Why?  Because her actions have no impact on anybody but her and her Redneck family.  Honestly, do we even need to follow her life story?  We know how it's going to play out- all we need to do is look at the Lindsay Lohan timeline.   

Spheidi Prontag Is A Disease On Society.

I don't know what makes me hate this picture more- the fact that Spencer is wearing

a "Palin for VP" shirt, or that Heidi is holding a book she clearly cannot read.  I also like

how Spencer looks as though he can smell Heidi's implants melting under the hot sun.

I debated whether or not to waste my breath on these two, and already I am regretting my decision to write this post.  Still, someone has to knock these two down a peg, and everyone seems content to just let these morons have their ten minutes of fame.  Well I'm not.  Hear me, reader?  I don't think that either of these two should have had even a fraction of a second in the spotlight.  The mere fact that they think they are important in any way pisses me off.  

"But Shaun, you're doing nothing except keeping their 'fame' alive by talking about them." No.  News programs that give these two time to promote their books/shows are the ones keeping them socially relevant.  I, however, have nothing good to say about them.  They are rude, vain, and unappreciative of everything that has been laid down at their feet since birth.  Do either of them know what it's like to scrape money together so that they can afford to college?  Probably not- they are rich and most likely turned off by the idea of learning.  Do they know what it's like to have to go weeks on leftover food because they can't afford to buy new groceries?  Again, probably not.  On more than one occasion, I have survived by making my own pizza dough, covering it with garlic butter and cheese, and pretending it was delicious.  I say "pretend" because, in actuality, I could feel it shaving off minutes of my life with every bite I took.  

Crazy Person of 2010!

Congratulations!  You've had a complete mental

break from reality!  

Actor Michael Brea- yes, the Michael Brea of Step Up 3D and Ugly Betty fame (lolz)- is officially the craziest person of 2010.  I know I said I'd only do one post a day, but I couldn't hold off on this one any longer without it becoming old news.  

Between the night of the 22nd and the early morning of the 23rd, something in this actor's head disconnected itself from the real world and plugged itself in to the magical realm of fantasy land.  He confronted his 55 year old mother in the apartment they shared together and then held her hostage with a sword.  I've heard that it was a samurai sword, and I've heard that it was a ceremonial Freemason sword.  Take your pick.

A Little Advice For Lindsay Lohan.

Remember her when she wasn't a coked up whore?

...Neither do I.

Saying Mel Gibson is a Christian is Like Saying Cancer is Good For You.

"Shh...I'm crazy..."

There are a couple points I want to prove here and, luckily for me, Mr. Gibson is going to do most of the speaking for me.  A lot of people have heard about the enraged phone conversation he had with his wife, but not a lot of people have taken the time to read through it.  The following print is lifted from this website.  It's a transcript of Mel's second angry phone call to his wife.  I have taken the liberty of uncensoring it because it helps me prove my point, and we're all adults here.  Also, I'm not the one saying the words, so I get off the hook when it comes to typing such hateful speech.