"Why doesn't anyone understand?! I beat women and do
heavy drugs while working on an unfunny sitcom! What
part of that isn't clear after a goddamn decade!?"
Do you see this man? This man right here? He is a narcissistic fucking lunatic. And yet, for some strange reason, the media is going crazy over him. For the past week, one of CNN's top headlines has been about this raging douche and, after checking other news outlets, I was shocked to discover that they weren't alone.
This is not Hollywood's first rodeo with an egotistical assclown like Mr. Sheen here. In fact, it is hardly their tenth with him in particular. At least once a year, the rest of the world and I play witness to a Sheen-Machine breakdown. One year he's beating his wife, the next year he's in rehab, the year after that he's sober but screwing/beating porn stars... Rinse and repeat.
And now he's saying crazy shit about his sub-standard television sitcom that, in all honesty, is about as funny as British humor. As of the moment, he makes $2 million an episode (really?!), and he wants that bumped up to $3 million per episode. I would rather go with a system where he gets paid based on how many laughs the show gets from its audience, multiplied by one hundred. Oh, shit... then he'd work for nothing. "Two Guys and A Sheen" got axed, and had to finish the season a few episodes short due to his latest antics (such as insulting everyone else on the show and the network on national tv/radio).
Oh, but it gets better. When defending his "honor" on several talk shows, the Sheen-Machine has been talking about how he's been receiving calls from celebrity friends that are totally on his side. One of his examples? Mel. Fucking. Gibson. That is like being a four-time murderer on trial, only to call Jeffery Dahmer to the stand to defend you.
So I beg you, America. Stop paying attention to him. He has a God-Complex the size of his drug closet (it takes up a whole wing in his mansion, if you weren't aware), and an attitude that is matched only by his level of douchebaggery. Don't believe me? He keeps two porn stars around and calls them his "goddesses". You aren't Zeus, Sheen-Machine, and those ladies certainly aren't part of your harem. They're only with you because of your money and rapidly deteriorating fame. But I guess you'll find that out soon enough.
