Scott Walker Wins And I Lose Faith In This Country.

This idiot re-won the governor seat in an unconventional Wisconsin election tonight, proving that if you've got money and friends in the right places (with money!), you can pretty much buy democracy. 

Side note: I have absolutely given up on this fucking country.  This is heart-wrenching. 

With Scott Walker winning again, despite the horrible way in which he has run his state in the last couple of years, it's actually possible that Mitt Romney could win the presidency.  I'm not saying that Wisconsin has that much pull in the election come November.  I'm merely stating that Americans are as ignorant and as unintelligent as the rest of the world thinks we are.  Fact. 

With this win for Walker, we have proven to the world that we can be bought, and that we are dumb enough to believe blatant lies in the face of facts.  We are a blemish on this planet, and a war in which the rest of the world unites against us cannot possibly come soon enough.

I pledge to you all that if Romney wins this November, I will pack up and move overseas so long as I have the financial means to do it.  I don't care where.  For an added bonus, I will document that journey with actual photographs of me moving my shit out of my apartment here in Maine.

And it will culminate in me renouncing my citizenship of this backward moving, homophobic, misogynistic, plutocratic, theocratic mass of land that embarrassingly calls itself "The Land of the Free."    

Now I know what some of you (white older males) are thinking: "Good!  Get out of here, you unpatriotic son-of-a-bitch!"  And that's totally fine.  Because I don't want to be here when the rest of the world realizes we are still breeding, watering down the collective gene pool with racists, bigots, and all-around assholes.   

A Message To The Users Of The Internet About Zombies.

This is getting fucking ridiculous.  Ever since that dude was caught gnawing on a homeless man's face in Florida, the internet has exploded with the faux-news of an upcoming zombie apocalypse.  Even some major news organizations have decided to exploit the story by compiling lists of zombie-like attacks.

CNN, to name one of them, has such a grisly list that is disgustingly followed by the words "But there's no need to dwell on them."  Leave it to CNN to scare the shit out of people only to follow it with something as obvious as "I see that the Google machine brought you here.  Thanks for reading, you fucking idiot." 

Gingrich And Santorum Attack Obama For His Comments About Trayvon Martin's Death.

On the 23rd of March, President Obama spoke out on the murder of seventeen year old Trayvon Martin after a journalist asked him about the case.  He had this to say:

“I’ve got to be careful about my statements to make sure we’re not impairing any investigation that’s taking place right now. But obviously this is a tragedy. I can only imagine what these parents are going through and when I think about this boy, I think about my own kids. I think that every parent in America should be able to understand why it is absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this, and that everybody pulls together, federal, state and local to figure out exactly how this tragedy happened…But my main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon. And I think they are right to expect that all of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness it deserves and we’re going to get to the bottom of exactly what happened.”

Kirk Cameron Should Be Ignored.

Kirk Cameron.  Had it not been for my brief exposure to the show "Growing Pains" when I was very little, I would have absolutely no clue who this guy is.  As it should be.

Cameron, as you may remember, came under fire recently after telling Piers Morgan his view towards homosexuality: "I think that it's - it's - it's unnatural. I think that it's - it's detrimental, and ultimately destructive to so many of the foundations of civilization."

He then turned around and acted like Piers Morgan ambushed him, claiming that the interview was supposed to be about his movie.  Controversial celebrity, meet journalist.  Journalist, meet controversial celebrity.  What the fuck did you think was going to happen, Cameron? 

Ten Logic Fallacies Used By Politicians (Part One).

Before I begin this particular post (and the one to follow), I want to thank E. Magill over at The Unapologetic Geek for compiling this list.  While the logical fallacy selections are his, the commentary is my own.

We're all aware of how most elected officials have their own way of speaking, much like lawyers do.  The best of them can turn an argument on its head or have you believing something that is completely fictitious.  Here are the first five of ten specific tactics to look out for the next time you hear any politician talk.

1.) The Straw Man Argument.

Comments: How The F**k Do They Work?

Following the trend of all successful bloggers, I'd like to say a little something about my comments section, because each and every writer has their own rules that govern viewer input.  Mine are, I'll tell you up front, a lot different than most other blogs.

Why?  Because of what this blog stands for, my goals for it, and my firm belief that if you are going to say something ignorant, you best be prepared to back up your facts.  If you don't, I will tear into you like a starving Tasmanian devil.  Here are a two perfect examples: my post on Maine Governor Paul LePage (very popular, might I add), and my post on a few random things that got one viewer's panties in a twist.  Check out the comments section on both of those.

So here's the deal: I will publish your comment so long as it is not "Anonymous" and it does not attack another commenter.  That's it.  You can curse, call me names, argue your possibly racist or sexist views, and I will not take it down so long as you are not "Anonymous" or attacking what I'll call an innocent bystander.

I guess there is a double-edge sword here, though.  If you give it, be prepared to take it; I reply to all comments.  All of them.

And this is for the few of you I know personally that have told me that I shouldn't respond to these negative comments, or that I shouldn't act so offended: I will respond, and I'm really not offended.  In fact, I find it funny.  I welcome comments of all shapes and sizes.  It amuses me to the point where I enjoy responding more than I enjoyed writing the actual post!

So I'm begging you... please comment.  I'd obviously prefer them to be positive or, in some way, a knowledgeable contribution (personal opinion, parallel experience, etc.), but if you've got something you want to say, then say it.



Note: I will give credit where credit is due here and say that I wrote this post after seeing a similar ones at Jobsanger (he did a post, then moved his rules to the sidebar on the right) and Day of the Woman (she did a fantastic vlog).  Their blogs, being different than mine, have different rules for commenting.  They're also awesome so please check them out.

True Marriage is Between A Man, A Woman, and The Man She is Cheating on Her Husband With.

 

The Republican Minnesota State Senate Majority Leader (that's quite the mouthful), Amy Koch, is definitely for traditional marriage - no question about it.  She authored a bill that would define marriage in her state to be between a man and a woman.  Not man and man.  Not woman and woman.  Not man and beast (we all know that's what homosexuality leads to).  

Unfortunately, her "righteous" crusade has ended, destroyed by the very thing she had campaigned against - the gays.  While she did not acknowledge this, John Medeiros, co-curator of Minneapolis' Intermedia Arts' Queer Voices reading series, most certainly did.  So what happened?

Well, married Senator Koch resigned because she had an "inappropriate affair" with an unnamed male staffer.  Who it is doesn't really matter.  What matters is that he was not Mr. Koch, and neither was his penis (I hope).  

Is Submission A Form Of Respect In A Christian Marriage?

The Iowa Straw Poll Debate came and went with nothing really turning up that hasn't been heard before.  The candidates stuck to their typical reality-bending, non-factual arguments (some of which have literally been debunked publicly by experts and analysts on their respective subjects) and, as always, their fearmongering.  But the award for "best shitty answer on-the-fly" has to go to Congresswoman Bachmann.  For some back story on her answer, let's turn to this quick, two minute video.  Pay really close attention from the 30 second mark on.  

"From there, my husband said, 'Now you need to go get a post-doctorate degree in tax law'.  Tax law?  I hate taxes.  Why should I go and do something like that?  But the Lord says, 'Be submissive.'  Wives, you are to be submissive to your husband... I was going to be faithful to what God was calling me to do through my husband."

Michele Bachmann Has A Hard Time Telling Fact From Fiction.

"Case in point: This week's Newsweek cover - which seems to have captured

Minnesota Congresswoman, Michele Bachmann, at the exact moment

she sees the 'Amazing Robalto' turn his hat into a dove.  'That's amazing. When

do we start the photo shoot?'" -Jon Stewart

In light of the Republican debate in Iowa tonight, I thought I'd take a moment to examine Representative Bachmann, seen above, and some of her recent statements as rated by Politifact.  If you haven't been to Politifact, I highly recommend checking it out.  Not only does it fact check statements made by politicians, it also has a counter that shows how President Obama is doing on his campaign promises (142 promises kept, 41 compromised, 208 in the works, 72 stalled, and 43 broken - check it out for the specifics), and another showing pledges made by the G.O.P. during their ramp up to the 2010 elections (7 kept, 1 compromise, 1 broken, 5 stalled, 11 in the works, and 32 not rated).

Fun stuff aside, you can also look at individual politicians for things they said, or things said about them. Okay, well, that's fun too, especially when looking at Michele Bachmann, who has an interesting track record for not knowing what she's talking about.  This will be, by the way, a rather long post that focuses on the pure insanity of a presidential candidate.  

Of her 29 statements on Politifact, only 3 of them are either mostly true, or true.  The other 26 range from  half true to Politifact's damning "pants on fire" rating.  Let's look at some examples.

The Zadroga Bill v.2.0.

It shouldn't be a surprise to anyone that I'm no fan of the current legislative branch.  It reminds me more of a group of kindergartners than it does a government body.  From what I learned in high school, the Senate and the House is supposedly full of elected adults.  I believed that was true until about 2009.  Now I'm convinced that we have more than six hundred children making laws and shouting at each other.  I am a firm advocate of replacing each member of Congress with a cat.  Despite the animal's six hour day, they would still get more done than the current elected body, and with less fighting to boot.  Plus, it would probably be easier to get six hundred cats (a very independent animal, mind you) to agree on something.  

Cat jokes aside, I thought that passing the Zadroga Bill would be a no-brainer.  It was a simple piece of legislation, after all.  For those of you that don't know, the Zadroga Bill gives workers at the wreckage of the World Trade Center (firemen, policemen, etc.) health coverage.  A disturbingly high amount of rescuers now have harmful diseases and illnesses caused by the volatile carcinogens that they inhaled at ground zero.  

Did That Really Just Happen?

From left to right: Eric Cantor, John Boeh - wait, you know what?

Who gives a shit?  Let's just call them the guys that fucked us.

Around 8:15 P.M. eastern time last night, I watched as the House of Representatives passed the "Cut, Cap, and Balance Act."  Whoops, sorry!  Did I say House of Representatives?  I mean the Republicans in the House of Representatives.  In an almost pure-party line vote, the Republicans used their majority to pass their economic recovery "plan" which, if you look into it, is not so much as a recovery plan as it is a masterfully crafted shit-storm of blame.  It's almost as though the Republicans leaders consulted with Lord Voldemort, Darth Vader, Sauron, Lex Luthor, Satan, and (perhaps) Rupert Murdoch over the weekend and devised this brilliant piece of legislature.

"The Undefeated"... Unfortunately.

A lot of people that support Sarah Palin like to argue that those that do not support her are sexist, ignorant liberals that believe nothing but what the media tells them.  I am, however, under the belief that it isn't sexism or ignorance that guides us anti-Palinists; rather, it's the strong smell of bullshit and the overwhelming sense of stupidity that radiates from the emptiness of her skull that cause us to keep our distance.  

The fact that she is a woman means nothing.  I could care less if she were androgynous, transgender, male, or even a hermaphrodite.  Sex aside, what remains a constant is her blinding lack of knowledge and her idiotic, misinformed statements that pander to the right.  Liberals don't like Palin not because she is a woman, but because it is sickeningly obvious that she has absolutely no fucking clue what she is talking about.  If you want examples, you don't have to look far.  Palin's now infamous story of Paul Revere was the laughing stock of the American History departments in schools country-wide for weeks. She claims that she has more experience running government than the incumbent president, yet her resume consists of a half term as governor, some city council work, and a "correspondent/pundit" for Fox News.  Oh, shit, someone hire that woman immediately.  She sounds like she could really fix the economy with all that pundit training.  

Fathers, Wildfires, and McCain.

Happy Father's Day!  Er...well, unless you're this guy.

I won't lie to you, readers.  I had a hard time coming up with this post, Father's Day or not.  How can I celebrate such a day, much less write about it, when my own biological father is no better at raising children than an autistic dust mite?  Last night while I tried to fall asleep, I thought about what it was I was going to make this particular post about.  It couldn't be my own dad.  Trust me, I really do want to write about what it was he did, to share with the world how much breathable oxygen is being wasted on him, but I simply can't bring myself to sharing that... yet.

So, while this post will focus on the antics of one particular father in this country, it won't be mine.  Or yours, for that matter.  As far as the day goes, I do indeed want to wish a happy father's day to all of the competent, caring, and loving dads out there.  As for the rest of you, well, go fuck yourselves.  There's no excuse not to be a part of your child's life. 

At any rate, the man I want to talk about today is none other than Senator John McCain.  He's been called a maverick, a flip-flopper, and a wrinkled old dude that's way past his prime.  I call him far more than that, and judging by the news stories that have exploded onto my retinas this morning, so does most of the world.

Found this and loved it.  While the post has nothing to do 

with his failed 2008 presidential run, this picture is too

 funny not to make note of.

David Tyree Should Stick To Sports And Stop Talking.

Shhhhh.  It's quiet time.

It's no secret that I am all for the legalization of gay marriage.  Yes, it's true.  I don't have the time nor the emotional capacity to waste on a feeling as idiotic as homophobia.  This isn't 10,000 B.C.  Men do not show their dominance over each other by... *ahem* making other men be submissive.

Evolutionarily speaking, that's where this pervasive male feeling of homophobia comes from.  Back when we were more animal than human, men proved their status as alpha male by making those beneath them in station be literally beneath them for, let's just say, 1-4 minutes.  Notice how most women don't see the big deal with gay marriage?  Ever seen a heterosexual woman shirk away from a homosexual woman?  Probably not, unless they were extremely religious.

But I digress.  The fact of the matter is, it's the 21st century.  We are making technological leaps every single day and yet, socially, we seem to be moving backwards.  And I don't mean overall.  We were making progress several years ago.  Now that whole effort seems to be withdrawing from the shore like waves at low tide.  

With all this newfound, misled and unfortunate hate aimed at the followers of Islam, illegal immigrants, and gay men and women, I have to wonder... what the hell is going on?

N.A.T.O. And The War Powers Act.

I want to start this post with a brief introduction that's given to any new member of NATO* to give you all an idea of which direction I'm going with this.  (*Not really)

So you've decided to join the North American Treaty Organization?  Well, congratulations!  You are now the twenty-seventh member country to put world peace ahead of your petty squabbles with that silly country next door.

Here are the other 26 members of NATO:

-Belgium

-Bulgaria

-Canada

-Czech Republic

-Denmark

-Estonia

-Germany

-Greece

-Hungary

-Iceland

-Italy 

-Latvia

-Lithuania

-Luxembourg

-Netherlands

-Norway

-Poland

-Portugal

-Romania

-Slovakia

-Slovenia

-Spain

-Turkey

-United Kingdom

-United States of America

Your first goal as a member of NATO is to get to know your new allies!  These 26 countries are now united with you, and will no longer attack your blossoming nation.  Keep in mind that, while they will come to your aid against invaders, you must also show your support by defending them in case of an attack.  

NATO was formed shortly after the end of WWII, and is an organization of allies intent on keeping world peace with the mere threat of, "Don't do it or we will all come after you."  It sounds intimidating and a bit dark, but it usually works and force is not always necessary.

The Government Shutdown.

As our government moves to shutdown mode, all of our hope

rests on the efforts of an albino ghost and a tanned carrot.

We're fucked.

Everyone who is anyone is talking about the government shutdown that seems inevitable tonight at midnight.  That's right, I said it.  You aren't cool unless you are talking about this.  I guess that means I'm not cool.  The fact of the matter is, there are several reasons why I don't give a shit about whether the government shuts down tonight or not.  Allow me to explain.

1.) We, as individuals in the United States of America, have little to no say as to what goes on at the Federal level.  Hell, we hardly have any say at the State level (Example: my own state elected a pompous windbag that had only 38% of the vote).  Bitching about the nuances of what a shutdown means will do absolutely nothing.  It won't stop the House and Senate from getting paid, it won't give the military their money any faster, and it won't keep people at their desk.  Why?  Because we are fucking lazy.  If all of the non-politicians in this country rose up, then hell yeah, we could do something about this.  But we aren't going to band together.  The closest thing we'll come to in terms of "rising up" is joining a Facebook page that might - might - make the news.  And guess what, America?  Senators don't give a flying fuck about Facebook.

Michele Bachmann. Tea-bagged.

Continuing my trend of showing all of you, my readers, the dumb things politicians say, I examine the top ten quotes of the Tea Party's own Mad Hatter (as if there were just one), Michele Bachmann.  Many of you know her as Minnesota's House Representative, but all of you know her as the bat-shit crazy, stick-up-her -ass conservative that is (potentially) running for....

... you guessed it: President in 2012!  So before you all start jumping for joy at the prospect of a woman other than Sarah Palin getting elected into the commander-in-chief seat, let's take a look at some Michele's little quips.  By the way ladies, can you stand someone up that isn't completely psychotic?  I would really love to have a woman in the white house, but I would prefer it to be someone that isn't out of their mind.

1.) This is her way of saying that the American culture (if one could call our mashed up society a "culture") is the best in the world without actually saying it.  A politician's work-around.  Guess what, Michele?  I can't count on my hands how many cultures in this world are more interesting, or more rich than ours because I don't have enough fingers.  If our culture is the epitome of them all, then humanity is in serious trouble.  Try leaving your limo and security once and awhile.  You'll see what I mean.

Demonizing Educators.

"What are you, some kinda edumacated lady?"

This is the second post in a row about the ongoing assault on teachers.  Some of you are probably thinking that I am taking this personally because I am currently in school to be a teacher, and you are all right.  Of course I'm pissed.  I don't appreciate people saying that "it's not hard to be a teacher" or "teachers make too much money", particularly since neither statements are correct.  I've shadowed teachers as an educator-in-training, not as a student.  Trust me, it's different when you are seeing things from the other side.  Sitting in the English department's teacher lounge at a local high school, I can remember them talking about how the administration doesn't back them up on anything, and how some of them worked another job just to get by.  

But how can that be if they make too much money?  

As far as I'm concerned, this fight has gone beyond the union.  It's not about the union anymore.  Reading through some comments on the CNN article, you get choice phrases like: 

1.) If these folks were in manufacturing they would have already lost their job or taken a serious pay cut. Why are teachers so much loftier than manufacturers that they deserve steady pay and secure jobs?

- Teachers are not manufacturers, you're right.  But they do deserve steady pay and secure jobs because they are responsible for educating your children.  Oh, don't have children?  Too bad.  You're still paying taxes, which pays teachers.  Oh yeah, and teachers pay taxes too so... technically they are paying themselves.  The reason teachers are getting pissed is because their pay is already cut.  They really don't make much.  How could they possibly be motivated to teach well if they are making as much money as someone without a college degree?  Oh yeah, by the way, manufacturers don't have to watch your kids all day.

"Our Children Are Stupid! It's Their Teacher's Fault! Let's Cut Their Pay!"

"I'm attacking the leadership of the [teacher's] union because

they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."

-Republican Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie

Part of the reason I love Mr. Christie's quote is because it can be applied to almost anything BUT teachers.  Here's the deal- soon to be educator or not, I have no clue what goes on in the teacher's union. Having said that, I can't imagine it's as bad as the republicans are making it out to be.  Here are a few different ways we could apply the above quote:

1) "I'm attacking the [cast of Jersey Shore] because they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."

2) "I'm attacking the [multitudes of fat underneath my chin] because they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."

3) "I'm attacking the [self-righteous idiots of my own political party] because they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."

4) "I'm attacking the [owners of Krispie Kream, not because they cut me off for eating one-hundred donuts in a row, but] because they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."

5) "I'm attacking the [ladies in the front row with my libido-killing smile] because they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."
6) "I'm attacking the [babies of New Jersey] because they're greedy, they're selfish and they're self-interested."

Is there a point to the rewording of Mr. Christie's... words?  No.  It was just incredibly fun to do.  I should make a party game out of it...

How Well Does Craigslist And A Politician Mix?

Answer: About as well as a grown man taking muscle shots of himself 

in the mirror.  Check out those guns, though.  He must spend a lot of time

at the gym when he isn't voting to demolish women's rights.

Every now and then, something happens in the political world that warms the cockles of my heart.  Angels sing sweet melodies directly into my face.  I'm instantly transported to a beautiful glade where I dance and play with the native plethora of fantastical creatures.  This is one of those stories, folks.  And as I'm sure you've guessed by now, it made my week.  

Christopher Lee, a Republican congressman from the great state of New York, resigned from the House of Representatives yesterday because of the above picture and the email that went with it.  No, he wasn't applying to model for Shake Weight.  He was lookin' for ladies.  It's something a lot of people do, oddly enough, and I couldn't honestly care less about it... if it weren't for the fact that he was a Congressman and a "model American"with golden ethics.  Setting aside the fact that few (if any) Senators and Representatives are model anything, the absolute best part about this is that he is married.

What is going on, conservative republicans?  Why are you preaching family values if you can't even keep it in your pants for the few years you're in office?  It seems like every time I turn around, one of you are getting caught doing the exact opposite of what you believe in.  How many times have we heard the whole "anti-gay" schtick, only to catch one of you getting a little bromance on the side, hm?