One Last Thought Before Election Day.

Here we are, folks.  Election Day at last.  I am supporting President Obama, and making sure that some of my co-workers are getting out to vote for him tomorrow as well.  Make no mistake: Maine will vote for the president.

But what about you? Who are you going to vote for?

To be honest, I really don't give a fuck who you're voting for tomorrow.  Just get out and vote.  If you don't vote, I'm not going to listen to you bitch and moan for the next four years.  You'll lose that right.

More honesty: I was going to sit here and try to urge you, my readers, to vote for the president. But why?  If you're still undecided at this point, then there is no hope for you as a person.  And if you're sure you're voting for Romney, then I'm not going to convince you tonight.

Take a good long look at yourself, though, if you find yourself in that former category.  Take a good long look at your candidate.  Who is he?  What does he stand for?  Chances are, your response to those questions will be, "He's not Obama, and that's good enough."

Well, we'll see a few years down the road, won't we?  I don't know about you, but I'd rather vote for the man that I know about.  A man that hasn't flip-flopped his way through this fucking presidential race.  A man that hasn't changed positions to suit his base, or ignored questions from reporters simply because it doesn't follow the narrative that he's trying to put forward.

Forward.  What a great word!  Let's do that tomorrow - move forward. 

I support President Obama.

See you tomorrow night, everyone.  Please don't give me something horrifying to write about.

Scott Walker Wins And I Lose Faith In This Country.

This idiot re-won the governor seat in an unconventional Wisconsin election tonight, proving that if you've got money and friends in the right places (with money!), you can pretty much buy democracy. 

Side note: I have absolutely given up on this fucking country.  This is heart-wrenching. 

With Scott Walker winning again, despite the horrible way in which he has run his state in the last couple of years, it's actually possible that Mitt Romney could win the presidency.  I'm not saying that Wisconsin has that much pull in the election come November.  I'm merely stating that Americans are as ignorant and as unintelligent as the rest of the world thinks we are.  Fact. 

With this win for Walker, we have proven to the world that we can be bought, and that we are dumb enough to believe blatant lies in the face of facts.  We are a blemish on this planet, and a war in which the rest of the world unites against us cannot possibly come soon enough.

I pledge to you all that if Romney wins this November, I will pack up and move overseas so long as I have the financial means to do it.  I don't care where.  For an added bonus, I will document that journey with actual photographs of me moving my shit out of my apartment here in Maine.

And it will culminate in me renouncing my citizenship of this backward moving, homophobic, misogynistic, plutocratic, theocratic mass of land that embarrassingly calls itself "The Land of the Free."    

Now I know what some of you (white older males) are thinking: "Good!  Get out of here, you unpatriotic son-of-a-bitch!"  And that's totally fine.  Because I don't want to be here when the rest of the world realizes we are still breeding, watering down the collective gene pool with racists, bigots, and all-around assholes.   

Jonah Goldberg Takes The Oddly Unpopular Stance Of Beating Young Adults.

Jonah Goldberg, pictured above, is a writer for the National Review as well as the author of "Liberal Facism."  I don't know if anyone remembers, but he was on "The Daily Show" on 1/16/08 to promote said book.  Jon Stewart promptly tore him a new asshole.  I remember the day quite fondly, because it was when I personally fell in love with Stewart's ability to crush subhuman amoebas like Goldberg in any debate.

More to the point, it's now four years later, and I had completely forgotten about him.  Imagine my surprise when I see his face on ThinkProgress, attached to this headline: "National Review Writer: Conservatives Should 'Beat' Young People Who 'Think Socialism Is Better Than Capitalism'." 

Smoking Out Fraudulent Voters In Florida.

Pictured above is Rick Scott, the Republican Governor of Florida.  While he looks as though he has just been plucked and boiled, I assure you that he's just naturally unnatural.

His brain, however, I can't vouch for.  As many of you have heard, Scott has been moving forward with a plan to purge people from the voting rolls - people that, he believes, do not have the right to vote.  The list of names is astronomically flawed, as you can imagine.  It's no coincidence that most of the list consists of Hispanic Americans and people that frequently vote Democrat.

In a not-so-subtle way, Scott is trying to give Florida to Mitt Romney before the November election.

Did That Really Just Happen?

From left to right: Eric Cantor, John Boeh - wait, you know what?

Who gives a shit?  Let's just call them the guys that fucked us.

Around 8:15 P.M. eastern time last night, I watched as the House of Representatives passed the "Cut, Cap, and Balance Act."  Whoops, sorry!  Did I say House of Representatives?  I mean the Republicans in the House of Representatives.  In an almost pure-party line vote, the Republicans used their majority to pass their economic recovery "plan" which, if you look into it, is not so much as a recovery plan as it is a masterfully crafted shit-storm of blame.  It's almost as though the Republicans leaders consulted with Lord Voldemort, Darth Vader, Sauron, Lex Luthor, Satan, and (perhaps) Rupert Murdoch over the weekend and devised this brilliant piece of legislature.

Voting Made Not-So-Easy.

...Unfortunately.

I think it's common knowledge that most young people don't actually enjoy voting.  Let's face it, it's a tedious process (depending on where you live) with long lines, cranky adults that just want to go home, and the depressing reminder that you have to choose between Senator Dumbass and Representative Fuckhead to be in charge of your tax dollars, while knowing full well that they're just going to piss said money away on hookers and porn instead of fixing that goddamn pothole that has destroyed two of your tires and bent a fucking rim.

I'm pretty sure that the only people that like to vote can be lumped into two categories: they're either Republicans that believe it is our "God-given right" to vote (and will beat your ass, or try to, if you say otherwise), or they are the older generation of seniors who are blissfully unaware of what it is they are voting for (or maybe they simply don't care because they have little time left on this planet - "Listenin' to the damn rap music at nine o' clock at night!  I'll teach them!  Four more years of this idiot oughta do it!").