Fascism And The GOP (Part One).

I was perusing the internet today (something I haven't had time to do in a long while) and I stumbled upon this handy little guide that defined Fascism in fourteen simple characteristics.  So instead of writing something about killing tools (guns) or general ignorance, I decided to draw up a comparison of what a Fascist state is like and what the modern Republican party is like.

Now before I go on, I want to get one thing clear: this is a liberal comedy/information blog written by an independent.  So while I could compare this same list to the Democrats (who do line up with a few of the numbers, but not the majority of them like the GOP does), I won't.  Do that yourself, you lazy fuck.

Another note: I am fully aware that this has probably been done before as the internet is a very large place.  Hell, I found one that compared the fourteen points to President Obama, albeit in a not-very-serious manner.

Here's the quick foreword from the website I got these from: "Dr. Lawrence Britt has examined the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia) and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each."

Fox News Thinks That The Westboro Baptist Church Is Liberal.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I wrote you this awesomely depressing post.  Tis the season, ya know?

 

(Image Found At AddictingInfo)

To be honest, I'm not really sure what to say here.  Need I say anything?  Fox News thinks that Fred Phelps is a Democrat, and that the Westboro Baptist Church is a liberal organization.  Just for your viewing pleasure, I have copied the definition of "liberal" from The Free Dictionary, and pasted it below.  I guess we'll start here.

lib·er·al  (lbr-l, lbrl)adj.

1.

a. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.

b. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.

c. Of, relating to, or characteristic of liberalism.

d. Liberal Of, designating, or characteristic of a political party founded on or associated with principles of social and political liberalism, especially in Great Britain, Canada, and the United States.

2.

a. Tending to give freely; generous: a liberal benefactor.

Interesting.  Because when I think Westboro Baptist Church, I think of tolerance.  Just like when I think of Kristen Stewart, the words, "Great actress with an amazing depth of emotion" come to mind.  Author's Note: If you didn't pick up on the sarcasm in that last sentence, I beg of you to close your laptop and assassinate your modem.  You do not belong on the internet.

But hey, let's entertain this notion of the WBC being a beacon of liberal tolerance, open-mindedness, and generosity.  I present to you the following images for your enjoyment:

 

 

Did I say enjoyment?  I meant disgust.  I confuse the two a lot. 

 

So in the reality that Fox News has created (a.k.a. "non-reality" or "fantasy"), the WBC is liberal. What about us here on planet Earth?  Do we believe that the WBC is liberal or conservative?  I can't speak for you, but I'm absolutely going to.

 

It doesn't fucking matter.  They are a hate group running a giant scam.

 

Labeling them as anything is an insult to that label.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for insulting ultra right-wingers and conservatives, and the WBC has a lot of common beliefs with the right and even, humorously enough, Fox News (if you have yet to notice, anything Fox News is in favor of is conservative, and anything it is against is liberal).  But few people on this planet can reap the awesome magnitude of fuckery and assholishness that the WBC can.  

 

You have to remember, the WBC is a group of people that incite others into suing them by saying awful, inhuman things in the form of blanket statements.  Once sued, the WBC counter-sues on the premise that their 1st Amendment rights are being attacked (take note, NRA!), and usually win millions of dollars in damages.  It's a big fucking con.

 

Oh, shit... a con?  Maybe Fox News and the WBC have more in common than I thought.

 

But wait, there's more!  The "conservative biker gang" that heroically counter-protested the WBC's protest aren't conservative.  

 

Nathaniel Downes of AddictingInfo explains:

The motorcycle riders in this case were members of the Patriot Guard Riders (PGR), a non-partisan organization set up in response to the hate-filled WBC protests, to act as guards and shelter for the families in mourning. Founded in 2005, at American Legion Post 136 in Mulvane, Kansas, the PGR’s mission is simple: to show their sincere respect for our fallen heroes, their families, and their communities while shielding the mourning family and friends from interruptions created by any protester or group of protesters. They abstain from politics, as any good soldier, and instead focus on the appropriate manner with which to fight against the vile hatred spat out by the Westboro Baptist Church.

 

So I guess that makes Fox News wrong on both counts.  I'm going to speak for you again here and say that nobody is surprised.  

PS- If you don't believe me that Fred Phelps is a genius con man, read this.  Post your thoughts below.  Remember to leave some form of identity - I won't post anonymous comments, even if they are positive.

Standard Right Wing Propaganda: Women Have Abortions For Funsies.

Let's get something straight right off the bat: no woman decides to have an abortion because a fetus is "annoying."  Not only is that an ignorant thing to say, but it's also incredibly insulting. And flushing it down a sink?! Really?  Is that supposed to be a metaphor for abortion because, if so, it's vile, misleading, and totally ridiculous.  All liberals know that the correct way to have an abortion is to flush it down a toilet.

One thing I'd really like to point out is that drinking alcohol while pregnant and having an abortion are in two separate wheelhouses.  The former assumes that you are going to give birth to a child and, obviously, consuming alcohol is a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.  The latter assumes that you are not going to give birth because, you know, you aren't having a baby.  Abortion terminates a pregnancy on the spot.  Drinking alcohol when pregnant screws up a person's life for, well, his/her entire life.

But wait, there's more!

This one is just in poor taste (then again, you'd be hard pressed to find something at LiberalLogic101 that isn't).

A madman killed twelve people in Aurora, Colorado.  These people had loved ones, thoughts, memories, experiences.  They had likes and dislikes.  They knew music and love.  A fetus does not know those things.  In fact, it knows nothing at all.

And clearly the person running LiberalLogic101 doesn't either.

Alright, last one.  I promise.

  
You know what doesn't mention either one?  The New Testament.  Maybe you should check that out sometime and actually put the practices it does preach to good use. 

And, uh, you do have the right to own a gun.  Was that ever in dispute?  The difference here is that a gun is not part of the human body.  Again, two different wheelhouses.  It seems like the only way conservatives can get their points across to each other is to mash two completely separate arguments into one semi-coherent cluster-fuck of words and provocative images.

That definitely explains Fox News. 

Bob Beckel Mispronounces RNC Chairman's Name On Fox.

Bob Beckel, the punching bag for Fox News' program "The Five", made a bit of a slip up Monday night when he accidentally pronounced RNC Chairman Reince Priebus' name as "Free Pussy."  This isn't the first time Beckel has screwed up on television.  Just last April, he told another guest that, "You don't know what the fuck you're talking about!" and live cameras caught every word.  To be fair, his accusation probably wasn't that far off.  He is on Fox News.

Here's what he said the other night:

“I think when [President Barack Obama] started out, he was neutral about Mitt Romney, and frankly so was I.  I thought he was a nice guy. I’ve come to believe he is a terrible — well, I won’t say liar. I wont diminish myself down to where Republicans, or free, free pussy. Fro, free pro. Or, pro-prebus…”

I'm not condemning or approving of what Beckel said because, quite frankly, I think it's just absolutely fucking hilarious.  Priebus does have a strange name, but it sounds nothing like "Free Pussy."  Maybe something else was on Beckel's mind that night?  Hint: It wasn't "pro-prebus."


Click here for the video.*

Reince Priebus has suffered through his name being made fun of before, be it directly or by accident.  Stephen Colbert said it best when he equated the RNC Chairman's name to the Latin term for "erectile dysfunction."

Whether Beckel gets fired or not for saying "pussy" on air hasn't been determined yet.  It is interesting to note, however, that many right-wing blogs and sites claim that he was trying to call Priebus a pussy.  This is ludicrous.  If you watch that video, it's clear that the man was just stuttering and ended up butchering the chairman's name.  Nothing more, and nothing less.

Get over it.  No kids watch Fox News anyway.  Just old, hateful people.  


*For those of you that watched the video, the things that Bolling said before Beckel slipped up are irrelevant to this post.  That's a topic for someone else to cover.

Joe Williams Is Falsely Accused Of Making Racist Comments.

Pictured above is Joe Williams, the White House Correspondent for Politico that recently came under fire by the right-wing reality spin known as Breitbart.com for a comment he made on MSNBC's Martin Bashir Live.  First of all, let's look at the comment that started the shitstorm:

"It’s very interesting that he does so many appearances on Fox & Friends. And it’s unscripted. It’s the only time they let Mitt off the leash, so to speak. But it also points out a larger problem he’s got to solve if he wants to be successful come this fall: Romney is very, very comfortable, it seems, with people who are like him. That’s one of the reasons why he seems so stiff and awkward in some town hall settings, why he can’t relate to people other than that. But when he comes on Fox & Friends, they’re like him. They’re white folks who are very much relaxed in their own company."   

Nightmarish Scenario: Day One Under President Romney.

I want to take a little time to specifically talk about Mitt Romney.  The very definition of a vulture capitalist, Mitt Romney doesn't appear to be as ridiculous as Santorum, Gingrich, Paul, or any of the other Republicans he beat out in the primaries.  But that's only at first glance.

Romney is just as much of an air head as the rest of them.  Many have called him the professional flip-flopper, while others have deemed him a liberal in disguise.  I have to tell ya, guys, if Romney is a liberal, than I must be some kind of radical socialist.

While his religion is off the table in terms of mocking the man himself, I want to get something quickly out of the way: I think Mormonism is one of the most ridiculous excuses for a religion that the Earth has every seen.  It's right up there with Scientology and Pastafarianism (the latter, of course, being a "mock religion").  In essence, I believe Mormonism to be a farce.  Tolerance be damned.

There are three things about Romney I want to share, and none of them are personal.  They are, in fact, policy based.  While it is six months from the election and policy can change (I honestly don't believe he'll even be elected), here is where Romney stands on the Keystone XL Pipeline, Obamacare, and the national budget.

Fox News Breaks Itself.

It's no secret to any of my regular readers: I hate Fox News.  As Stephen Colbert once famously said, "Reality has a liberal bias," and how can you make conservative news realistic while appealing to conservatives?

The quick answer is that you don't.  Realism has to be thrown out the door in exchange for a more fantastical view of the things going on in the world.  Fox News is nothing but blowhard opinions and right-wing propaganda.

Here's a good way I learned to help spell it out for people.  Let's say that it's snowing outside.  Fox News would say, "It's snowing outside because Obama declared a War on Christmas and this is God's punishment unto us."  Real news would say, "It's snowing outside."

So when reality somehow does slip its way into any crevice of the Fox Machine, I always find myself wondering if the entire operation will collapse on itself like a dying star.  Take, for example, a recent Fox News poll conducted by phone between May 13-15 of this year.  In it, 913 people were polled and the results were not something that Fox News appreciated: Obama beat out Romney 46% to 39%.  The other 15%?  Not sure.  I would have liked to have found out but, oddly enough, I can't find the actual poll on the Fox News website. 


These were live interviews, by the way, not robot calls. 

Here's where shit gets hilarious.  Allow me to pass the ball over to Don Hamel from AddictingInfo.org.  Don writes:

So what does Fox do, when their own poll shows Americans prefer Obama?

Everything they can.

Media Matters has compiled a video showing various Fox hosts and news anchors frantically trying to walk back, talk around, downplay, dismiss, re-interpret and generally deny the findings of a recent Fox News Poll, showing President Obama leading Mitt Romney by seven points.

In other words, DAMAGE CONTROL.

Here's the video from Media Matters.  It gets really interesting about halfway through when it becomes clear that the anchors and pundits are tired of being subtly dismissive of the poll.

  



Regardless of what any poll says, I still believe that they're all inaccurate.  The only one that matters will take place in early November.  And if the corporate lapdog known as Mitt Romney becomes president, I will get up and move to Canada.  It's not far from where I live - maybe a bit over a hundred miles. 

Steve Doocy Proves He Is Not A Journalist (As If He Needed To).

"Fox & Friends" television personality and part-time Strutting Leo Impersonator Steve Doocy (pictured above) recently came under fire for his underhanded interpretation of something that President Obama said.  He and the rest of Roger Ailes' cronies over at Faux News have been trying to twist Obama's "silver spoon" quote for a few days now by making seem like it was an attack on Romney.  This all culminated on Thursday when none other than Mitt Romney himself was interviewed on "Fox & Friends" by Doocy.

Wondering how Romney was reacting to the latest jab from the president, Doocy brought him up to speed: "He said, uh, 'Unlike some people, I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth'."  Burn, right?  Except President Obama never said, "Unlike some people."  In fact, he wasn't even talking about Mitt Romney.  He was talking about education beyond high school.

What he said was: "We created a foundation for those of us to prosper.  Somebody gave me an education.  I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth.  Michele wasn't.  But somebody gave us a chance."

The Attack On Woman's Rights.

With each day that passes, there's a new headline announcing how yet another state has pushed to repeal some form of a woman's rights.  It's too bad, then, that our disgustingly lazy media would rather report on how large Kim Kardashian's ass has gotten, or the ongoing feud between Hillary Rosen and Ann Romney (which is a pointless argument - both are kind of wrong).

Let's start from the top.  Democrats and liberals, noticing that Republicans and conservatives have become more and more focused on passing legislation that involves only women, began to claim that the GOP was trying to start a war on women.  Republicans and their media arm, Fox News, shot back with the ever-so-adult, "Nah-uh!  You are!"  

Now, to say that this is a "war" is both ridiculous and sensationalist.  It isn't a war.  That's insulting for two reasons: 1) It trivializes actual war (like the one in Afganistan) and 2) It makes it sound like legislators are reaching for their weapons and firing at women.  The proper term, I think, is "attack."  Politicians are attacking the same rights that women have been working towards for the last one-hundred plus years.

Gingrich And Santorum Attack Obama For His Comments About Trayvon Martin's Death.

On the 23rd of March, President Obama spoke out on the murder of seventeen year old Trayvon Martin after a journalist asked him about the case.  He had this to say:

“I’ve got to be careful about my statements to make sure we’re not impairing any investigation that’s taking place right now. But obviously this is a tragedy. I can only imagine what these parents are going through and when I think about this boy, I think about my own kids. I think that every parent in America should be able to understand why it is absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this, and that everybody pulls together, federal, state and local to figure out exactly how this tragedy happened…But my main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon. And I think they are right to expect that all of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness it deserves and we’re going to get to the bottom of exactly what happened.”

Ten Logic Fallacies Used By Politicians (Part Two).

Before I finish this list off, I again want to thank E. Magill over at The Unapologetic Geek for compiling this list.  While the logical fallacy selections are his, the commentary is my own.

We're all aware of how most elected officials have their own way of speaking, much like lawyers do.  The best of them can turn an argument on its head or have you believing something that is completely fictitious.  Here are the five remaining tactics to look out for the next time you hear any politician talk.

And yes, I saved the cool Latin ones for last.

1.) Ignoratio Elenchi.

Ten Logic Fallacies Used By Politicians (Part One).

Before I begin this particular post (and the one to follow), I want to thank E. Magill over at The Unapologetic Geek for compiling this list.  While the logical fallacy selections are his, the commentary is my own.

We're all aware of how most elected officials have their own way of speaking, much like lawyers do.  The best of them can turn an argument on its head or have you believing something that is completely fictitious.  Here are the first five of ten specific tactics to look out for the next time you hear any politician talk.

1.) The Straw Man Argument.

Lou Dobbs Vs. "The Lorax."

I am going to get straight to the point on this one.  Rarely do I get this angry - this pissed the fuck off - about things I find during my daily web-surfing.

Lou Dobbs, pictured above, is claiming that Universal's new movie - an adaptation of the Dr. Seuss classic, "The Lorax" - has an insidious goal: to indoctrinate our children.

"It's about a woodland creature who speaks for the trees and fights rampant industrialism... So where have we all heard this before?  Occupy Wall Street, forever trying to pit the makers against the takers, and President Obama repeating that everyone should pay their fair share in dozens of speeches since his State of the Union address last month... The president's liberal friends in Hollywood targeting a younger demographic using animated movies to sell their 'agenda' to children."   

I did not make that bold text up.  Those are actual words out of Lou Dobbs' actual stupid mouth.

Don't believe me?  I've posted the entire clip at the bottom of this page.  

The Shadow War On Religion Is Over.

And we were so close, too.

For the last few decades or so, we've waged our war against the religious institutions of the United States of America.  We have struck from the shadows.  We have meticulously chipped away at the foundations of Christianity at every level of the government.  Victory was all but assured.

But then we slipped up.  President Obama - our figurehead, our face - tried to force religious institutions to offer free contraception to women under their health insurance plans.  And now... now those institutions are on to us.  They now know about the war that we have waged for so long.

My friends.  It is over.

We cannot stand tall and fight back against the journalistic integrity and research that the Fox News machine has to offer.  We cannot fight against honest men like Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, the Koch Brothers, Rupert Murdoch, and Roger Ailes.  The former even called us out, saying:

"And I frankly don't care what kind of deal he tries to cut.  This is a man who is deeply committed - if he wins reelection, he will wage war on the Catholic Church the morning after he's reelected."

Fox News And Their Narrative.

 

One thing that absolutely slays me about Fox News are the horrendously misinformed insults that the various pundits and news anchors throw at liberal-minded Americans.  Worse, it comes at you twenty four hours a day, seven days a week.  It really hurts your self-esteem.  What really amazes me is that the network continues to call itself fair and balanced, despite the fact that no other news network carelessly hurls insults at Republicans and conservatives.  

Oh, but the pundits would tell you that it's what the other outlets aren't saying that shows their bias (or, I suppose, how they are saying it).  This is nonsense.  For one thing, it is impossible to remove bias from any situation.  Human beings aren't robots - we are thinking, feeling creatures.  There is a huge difference between hinting at a view point, and coming right out with, "Liberals love America like O.J. [Simpson] loved Nicole" (Ann Coulter).  Yes.  She actually said that.  On television.

On February 3rd, 2011, an "article" was posted to Fox Nation that both completely unnecessary and ridiculous.  The following was posted under the title Liberals Hate Women and the Media Lets Them Get Away With It:

Just this week, notorious camera hog Sen. Chuck Schumer said perhaps the dumbest thing I have ever heard a politician say. In attempting to make a point about how the organs of power on Capitol Hill need to work together to prevent a government shutdown, Schumer reconfigured the three branches of government. "You know," he said, "we have three branches of government. We have a House. We have a Senate. We have a President." It should be noted that this isn't the model described in most civics textbooks, which list the three branches as legislative, executive and judiciary.

Now imagine if a Republican had said that. Better yet, a Republican woman.

I kid you not, that is the full article.  There's a link at the bottom that asks you to click on it to read the full article, but it took me nowhere.  First of all, this makes no sense.  It takes an idiotic quote made by a Democrat and then twists it not into an accusation, but into an insinuation.  The last two sentences really hammer that point home.  Watch how easy this is to do.  

The other day in Ms. Hamilton's second grade class, seven year old Jenny kissed fellow seven year old Douglas and gave him a terrible case of "The Cooties."  Now imagine if Douglas had given Jenny cooties.  Better yet, a twenty-four year old Douglas. 

See?  I didn't actually say anything about pedophilia, but I certainly implied it.  What if I had titled the "article" Girls Love Boys and Cooties Let Them Get Away With It?  Not only is this shitty journalism- it's manipulation.  Or, at least, an attempt at it.  A sad, transparent attempt.

Only on Fox News will you hear things like, "The Liberal assault machine" or "The radical Liberal agenda."  If any of the pundits took a moment to look up the definition of "liberal," they'd immediately see how stupid that sounds.  According to Merriam Webster, liberal means, "Marked by generosity; broad-minded; not bound by authoritarianism."  Liberal movements are also responsible for women gaining the right to vote, civil rights, a minimum wage, child labor laws, housing loans for veterans, medicare, the Peace Corps, and Social Security.  

So, sure Fox News.  I suppose if I'm going to be assaulted by any radical machine, I'd definitely want it to be a liberal one.  I'd literally be getting attacked with kindness.  Or kittens.  

 

"The horror!...The horror!"

 

Roger Ailes And His Propaganda Machine.

There is an art to persuading people these days.  In a time when technology is advancing with each passing hour, only one man has been able to reach into millions of homes and turn fiction into fact with the same ease as he freezes water into ice: Roger Ailes.

While most know him as the creator and "Chairman" of Fox News, Ailes has a disturbing history of right-wing extremism and paranoia.  He was always drawn to television, even as a little boy, and rose quickly to the rank of executive producer on The Mike Douglas Show by the age of 25.  His big break came in 1967 when he met former Vice-President Richard Nixon backstage of the show, telling Nixon that "the camera doesn't like you."  Nixon responded, "It's a shame a man has to use gimmicks like television to get elected."  Ailes was passionate about TV, and shot back, "Television is not a gimmick.  And if you think it is, you'll lose again."  It was at that moment that Roger Ailes became Nixon's executive producer of television, in charge of recreating the man's image in order to appeal to voters.

During Nixon's campaign, Ailes began to blur the line between journalism and politics.  Ailes knew that Nixon was a disaster on television.  He also believed that the media was anti-Republican.  So, he decided to go for the throat, as it were, and circumvent the press - go straight to the people.  By forcing reporters to watch the events of, say, a "town hall meeting" backstage, Ailes had found a way to subtly reduce the freedom of the press to a mere privilege.  Nixon was able to answer to voters with staged questions instead of on-the-fly "gotcha" questions from the media.  

"The Undefeated"... Unfortunately.

A lot of people that support Sarah Palin like to argue that those that do not support her are sexist, ignorant liberals that believe nothing but what the media tells them.  I am, however, under the belief that it isn't sexism or ignorance that guides us anti-Palinists; rather, it's the strong smell of bullshit and the overwhelming sense of stupidity that radiates from the emptiness of her skull that cause us to keep our distance.  

The fact that she is a woman means nothing.  I could care less if she were androgynous, transgender, male, or even a hermaphrodite.  Sex aside, what remains a constant is her blinding lack of knowledge and her idiotic, misinformed statements that pander to the right.  Liberals don't like Palin not because she is a woman, but because it is sickeningly obvious that she has absolutely no fucking clue what she is talking about.  If you want examples, you don't have to look far.  Palin's now infamous story of Paul Revere was the laughing stock of the American History departments in schools country-wide for weeks. She claims that she has more experience running government than the incumbent president, yet her resume consists of a half term as governor, some city council work, and a "correspondent/pundit" for Fox News.  Oh, shit, someone hire that woman immediately.  She sounds like she could really fix the economy with all that pundit training.  

Gay Marriage In New York? What's Next!?

Written By Tim Bob-Joe.

I was mighty humbled when the writer of "A Sane Break" gave me permission to write a guest blog post that would be featured today.  I had planned on writing about Nascar, God, and wholesome Christian values, but last night's news completely blew that idea out of the water.

Now I'm stuck writin' about them queers in New York.  Can you believe it!?  Homosexuals are now allowed to marry in one of the most populated states in America!  How dare they infringe on my sacred, God-given right to marry a woman, and then foul that marriage in any way I see fit?  Now they can cheat on their spouses now too!  

This is some bullshit.  What kind of left-wing, socialist country has America been turned into?  It's that Osama - I mean, Obama - 's fault.  Came into office as one of them whatchamacallit "community organizers", leading this country with his arugula-eatin' elitist values.  You know, I heard he wasn't even a CHRISTIAN.  One o' them Mohammed fellers.  

Michele Bachmann. Tea-bagged.

Continuing my trend of showing all of you, my readers, the dumb things politicians say, I examine the top ten quotes of the Tea Party's own Mad Hatter (as if there were just one), Michele Bachmann.  Many of you know her as Minnesota's House Representative, but all of you know her as the bat-shit crazy, stick-up-her -ass conservative that is (potentially) running for....

... you guessed it: President in 2012!  So before you all start jumping for joy at the prospect of a woman other than Sarah Palin getting elected into the commander-in-chief seat, let's take a look at some Michele's little quips.  By the way ladies, can you stand someone up that isn't completely psychotic?  I would really love to have a woman in the white house, but I would prefer it to be someone that isn't out of their mind.

1.) This is her way of saying that the American culture (if one could call our mashed up society a "culture") is the best in the world without actually saying it.  A politician's work-around.  Guess what, Michele?  I can't count on my hands how many cultures in this world are more interesting, or more rich than ours because I don't have enough fingers.  If our culture is the epitome of them all, then humanity is in serious trouble.  Try leaving your limo and security once and awhile.  You'll see what I mean.

Sarah Palin. Again.

Now, now, Sarah.  If anyone is awesome, it's me.

I don't feel like I can ever leave this woman alone.  You probably want to know why.  Let me be honest- I am aware that by continuing to acknowledge her existence, I'm doing nothing but throwing water on a grease fire.  Sure, the water is just making the flame larger but goddamn it, doesn't it just make sense to try and douse it with good ol' fashion H2O?  The problem is, more and more people are saying to ignore her (or, to throw sand on her) and hope that she'll go away.  But... she won't.  She is a fire that simply cannot be snuffed.  

That's why I propose that we try the one option that no one has dared to speak of- deprive Sarah Palin of oxygen.  Ever put a cover on a candle?  The fire burns off all of the oxygen and then just puffs out of existence.  And yes, I will indeed keep going with this metaphor because I think it's fantastic.