Apple Manufactures Phone Specifically For The Right-Wing.

I usually don't advertise for products on here, but I saw this one and couldn't help myself.  Apple calls it the Dumbphone, and it uses state of the art technology to filter out information based in reality and/or fact.  It also gives you first class access to applications not available to liberal smartphone users.

Go crazy with Glenn Beck TV!  Listen to the hollow, empty words of Rush "Blow Hard" Limbaugh!  Or get up to the minute false information on all current news stories with the Fox News app!  The Dumbphone contains so much ignorant power, you won't believe that it's all at your fingertips.

You see, Apple designed the Dumbphone with you -the right-wing user - in mind.  Why be exposed to the world of reality with a real phone when you can stay in your bubble, ever-connected to a conservative consciousness that is consistently reinforcing the fantasy in which you live?  Why think for yourself when you can have the Dumbphone do it for you? 

Check out these amazing new features, copied straight from the website:

*Call Screening: The Dumbphone will not accept calls, nor will it make calls, to anyone with an IQ of 75 or more, ensuring that those pesky liberal elite family members of yours will never call to pester you with the latest accomplishments of "Dear Leader Obama." 

*Gipr: Siri has been replaced for this model.  Introducing Gipr, the new Reagan-inspired Dumbphone assistant, capable of deciphering even the most incoherent of primitive command noises that come out of your mouth hole.

*Insult Generator: Did you leave your underground bunker and run into a liberal?  Is that liberal trying to argue with you by throwing well-informed facts in your face?  The Dumbphone has the answer!  With over one million randomly generated insults, the Dumbphone always has you prepared with a barrage of personal attacks that are guaranteed to stop any argument dead in its tracks, leaving you feeling satisfied with an unearned victory. 

*Concealed Weapon: The Dumbphone comes locked and loaded with six deadly 5.56 hollow point rounds cleverly disguised in a chamber behind the phone's camera.  Those government agents may think that you're just taking a picture of them stealing your guns and dragging your wife out into the street, but really you're getting ready to commit murder!  Just point and fire! *Flash not included.

*Edited History: The Dumbphone immediately censors any historical internet article, conforming it to right-wing philosophies.  Read the Right (pun intended!) version of the Constitution!  Learn how fast Jesus Christ could load a musket!  And read about how God Himself created the white race, Republicanism, and America all in His own righteous image. 

*Gaydar: Stay away from homosexuals forever with Gaydar, a motion tracker tuned to the genetic frequencies of those in the LGBT community.  Gaydar can also be tuned to hippies, liberals, drug-addicts, welfare recipients, vegans, foreigners, the U.N., atheists, Muslims, feminists, non-whites, non-Christians, San Francisco, elites, President Obama or (for all you ultra right-wingers out there) all of the above.

*Conservative's Guide to Sex: An entire one page article on sex, from how it works to the two positions you can have it in (missionary or abstinence). 

*Fuel Inefficient: The Dumbphone does not run on a liberal good-for-the-environment power source like a battery.  Whenever you want to recharge your phone, simply take it to the nearest gas station and fill it with diesel fuel.  It's recommended that you bring a spare tank with you, as the Dumbphone can only hold enough fuel to charge it for fifteen minutes.

*Bush Era Memory Wipe: The first time you sync the phone up with yourself, the Dumbphone selectively wipes your memory of President Bush's eight years in office, effectively freeing up your mind to attack the current state of the federal government without worrying about being a hypocrite.  You can also choose to erase any and all knowledge of what a hypocrite is (recommended).

*Easy to Fix: The Dumbphone is built piece by piece by non-union child factory workers in Taiwan, and Apple is passing those savings on to you!  If the Dumbphone breaks, all you have to do is take it apart, find the malfunctioning culprit, and replace it at 200% of the original cost of the piece.  Wow!

*Automatic Donations: 70% of your monthly bill is divided up equally and donated to Republican political races, Republican organizations such as the NRA, non-charity entities, and talking heads like Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, and more.

*EBook Reader: It doesn't come with one.

*Music: The Dumbphone comes preloaded with 30gb (of its total 32gb) of country, christian, and military music that can't be deleted.  Never feel unpatriotic again!

*Doubles as a Flag Pin: The back of the Dumbphone is graced with the American flag, while the front has two attachable, razor sharp hooks that pierce breast flesh with ease.  Never appear on television, radio, or in photos without it.

The Dumbphone, coming to you exclusively from Apple.  Just remember the motto: If ignorance is bliss, you'll be in Heaven with the Dumbphone.

To order your Dumbphone, check out Apple's website here.  This is a miracle piece of technology that all right-wingers should enjoy.  

Wade Michael Page - The Right-Wing Terrorist.

Note: The entirety of this post was taken with permission from the excellent blog, Jobsanger, and it's fantastic author, Ted.  Please support him by checking out his site.  Unlike me, he updates his every day.  I asked for his permission to cross-post this because he worded it so much better than I could, and a tragedy like this does not merit my usual crass humor.

---------------

We now know who the cowardly terrorist is that murdered several peaceful and unarmed sikhs. He is Wade Michael Page -- a 40 year-old right-wing, racist and white supremacist. The media has done a pretty good job of covering the tragedy and exposing this terrorist (and he is a terrorist, even though he is white, American, and not a muslim). I won't try to repeat what has been reported, but I do have a couple of thoughts.

First, it seems that everyone wants to make it clear that sikhs and muslims are different religions. They are evidently convinced that the cowardly murderer was trying to target muslims (like many on the right in this country seem to want to do, whether violently or not). Frankly, I don't think he cared at all what religion his victims had. He's a white supremacist and a racist. They could have been buddhists, hindus, muslims, taoists, or even christians, and it wouldn't have mattered to him. They were attacked because they were non-white and a soft target.

Second, right-wing elected officials must accept at least a little blame. Back in 2009, the Department of Homeland Security tried to warn Americans that right-wing terrorists posed a substantial risk to Americans (of all colors and religions). The right-wingers wailed long and loud. How dare the government say right-wingers posed a danger! They raised such a ruckus that DHS backed off on its warning and even stopped trying to keep track of many of these dangerous right-wing nuts. Here's how the Washington Post put it:

The Department of Homeland Security has stepped back for the past two years from conducting its own intelligence and analysis of home-grown extremism, according to current and former department officials, even though law enforcement and civil rights experts have warned of rising extremist threats.

The department has cut the number of personnel studying domestic terrorism unrelated to Islam, canceled numerous state and local law enforcement briefings, and held up dissemination of nearly a dozen reports on extremist groups, the officials and others said.

The decision to reduce the department’s role was provoked by conservative criticism of an intelligence report on “Rightwing Extremism” issued four months into the Obama administration, the officials said. The report warned that the poor economy and Obama’s election could stir “violent radicalization,” but it was pilloried as an attack on conservative ideologies, including opponents of abortion and immigration.

In the two years since, the officials said, the analytical unit that produced that report has been effectively eviscerated. Much of its work — including a digest of domestic terror incidents and the distribution of definitions for terms such as “white supremacist” and “Christian Identity” — has been blocked.

Multiple current and former law enforcement officials who have regularly viewed DHS analyses said the department had not reported in depth on any domestic extremist groups since 2009.

Frankly, I think the right-wing terrorists pose a far greater danger to most Americans than muslim terrorists do (or ever did) -- and I have posted on this in the past. All you have to do is look at the chart below to know this is true. I'm not saying we should ignore muslim terrorists -- just stop ignoring the far greater danger of home-grown right-wing terrorists.

Again, please go check out Ted over at Jobsanger.  He always has good, informative stuff to say.  I promise.  Here is the link for this specific post.  

I Work Through My Sadness By Beating Conservatives With Logic.

As many of you know, I had a bit of a breakdown the other night after Scott Walker won his gubernatorial reelection in Wisconsin.  I threw a good ol' fashioned pity party complete with a gallon of chocolate ice cream, sad clown face paint, and six straight hours of crying like a baby.

I'm kidding, of course.  I got really pissed, wrote a blog post that maybe twelve people read, and then went to sleep.  But I bounced back from my anger (I almost deleted this blog) with the help of my good friend Ted over at Jobsanger, and with the realization of two things: that Walker's victory means nothing and that the American media needs to go away.  I'll have more on that stuff in another post.

Comments: How The F**k Do They Work?

Following the trend of all successful bloggers, I'd like to say a little something about my comments section, because each and every writer has their own rules that govern viewer input.  Mine are, I'll tell you up front, a lot different than most other blogs.

Why?  Because of what this blog stands for, my goals for it, and my firm belief that if you are going to say something ignorant, you best be prepared to back up your facts.  If you don't, I will tear into you like a starving Tasmanian devil.  Here are a two perfect examples: my post on Maine Governor Paul LePage (very popular, might I add), and my post on a few random things that got one viewer's panties in a twist.  Check out the comments section on both of those.

So here's the deal: I will publish your comment so long as it is not "Anonymous" and it does not attack another commenter.  That's it.  You can curse, call me names, argue your possibly racist or sexist views, and I will not take it down so long as you are not "Anonymous" or attacking what I'll call an innocent bystander.

I guess there is a double-edge sword here, though.  If you give it, be prepared to take it; I reply to all comments.  All of them.

And this is for the few of you I know personally that have told me that I shouldn't respond to these negative comments, or that I shouldn't act so offended: I will respond, and I'm really not offended.  In fact, I find it funny.  I welcome comments of all shapes and sizes.  It amuses me to the point where I enjoy responding more than I enjoyed writing the actual post!

So I'm begging you... please comment.  I'd obviously prefer them to be positive or, in some way, a knowledgeable contribution (personal opinion, parallel experience, etc.), but if you've got something you want to say, then say it.



Note: I will give credit where credit is due here and say that I wrote this post after seeing a similar ones at Jobsanger (he did a post, then moved his rules to the sidebar on the right) and Day of the Woman (she did a fantastic vlog).  Their blogs, being different than mine, have different rules for commenting.  They're also awesome so please check them out.