It's Official! President Obama To Seek Third Term As POTUS.

Readers, you all know by now that I worship President Obama.  I have an entire room in my apartment dedicated to his existence, complete with hair follicles, pictures, and a piece of gum he spit out on his last trip to Maine.  It's obvious, I think, by now that he has never done anything wrong in his life, nor will he ever, and will go down in history as the greatest president to ever hold the office of Commander-in-Chief, future presidents included.  He is the reason I get up every morning (I have to recite the Obama Loyalty Oath during the rise of the sun), and the reason I go to bed every night (he frequently visits me in my dreams for a little homo-erotic subconscious sinning).

I, like all leftist, atheist, liberal socialists, was afraid last year.  I was afraid that our Dear Leader would only have four years to accomplish the take-over of this country.  Luckily for us, Romney was soundly defeated thanks to our tampering with the vote count in Florida, Virginia, and Ohio, bringing about four more years of radical change.

The innocent Republicans are scared and on the run, but all they have to do is hang on until 2016.  Will that be enough time for us to finish our mission, my brothers and sisters?  No, it won't.  Thankfully, President Obama's loyal and devout followers have realized this.  Representative Jose Serrano of New York has begun taking the necessary steps to repeal the 22nd Amendment with HJ Resolution 15.

Does HJ Resolution have any chance of passing?  No... in fact, it has zero chance of making it out of committee.  It always has.

Oh, did I say "always"?  Well, President Obama actually began taking the steps to secure his third term back during the Bush Administration in the year 2001.  Clever, huh?  Unfortunately, Serrano's resolution won't be the president's solution to his third term.  In fact, changing amendments won't do it at all.

According to page 45 of the Ninth Essentials Edition of "We The People" by Ginsberg, Lowi, Weir, Tolbert, and Spitzer:

"The Constitution established procedures for its own revision in Article V.  Its provisions are so difficult that the document has been successfully amended only 17 times since 1791, when the first 10 amendments were adopted.  Thousands of other amendments have been proposed in Congress, but fewer than 40 of them have even come close to fulfilling the Constitution's requirement of a two-thirds vote in Congress, and only a fraction have gotten anywhere near adoption by three-fourths of the states."

Shit.  Only 17 times, huh?  Looks like Representative Serrano missed the mark, here.  So what, then, is our Dear Leader going to do to get reelected in 2016?  Simple!

The recent spike in gun violence in this country has given our side an advantage.  We can now use the threat of future violence to lure centrists to our side and get the numbers we need to do what must be done to finish our radical liberal take-over of America:

Take their guns.

Without their guns, the right-wing will be completely defenseless, allowing President Obama to move U.S. troops into every state to usurp the rights of conservatives and Republicans alike.  It'll be quick, almost overnight.  We can't give them any warning.  It's why Obama has yet to take a single right away from anyone since he took office in January of 2009.  They can't see it coming, and they can't be able to defend themselves.  A strong right-wing defense just means more left-wing casualties.

Soon we'll be able to stop pretending that we're the ideology of peace and rational thought, of equality and love.  Soon we can cast aside that mantle and show our true colors!

Of course, Obama will need millions of loyal agents willing to go into the homes of their fellow Americans to actually take these guns.  We'd need to get law enforcement involved and ready to go along with the plan, too.  Courts would also need to look the other way... logistics might be an issue... and conservatives would probably defend themselves from the seizure...

You know what?  Let's not think about the crazy details just yet.  We've got four years to work the kinks out.  And a third term?  Totally doable.






























Anyone who believes that President Obama is running for a third term is a fucking idiot.  And to think that his supporters are "sheep" enough to go along with something so ridiculous is ignorant and disrespectful.  He's a good president, sure, but goddamn, he has no intention of running for a third term in any way, shape, or form.  Why the hell would he?

For more on why this story is a conspiracy theory and nothing more, check out this Addicting Info article.

Or this quote from David Adler, director of the Andrus Center for Public Policy at Boise State University:

“There is nothing in his tenure as president, nothing that we know of him, that indicates that Barack Obama is going to seek a third term. Short of a military coup, the 22nd Amendment stands as an insurmountable obstacle to a third-term president today, and there is no evidence to suggest Obama or his supporters are planning on staging a coup. It’s a right-wing fantasy cooked up to try to frighten Americans.”

Working People Vote Republican? Sure.

I saw this ignorant piece of shit bumper sticker on the back of what I can only assume was an ignorant piece of shit person's truck (where else?) earlier this afternoon.  Had he looked into his rear view mirror, the driver would have seen me flailing about behind my steering wheel, flipping him the bird and screaming not-so-pleasant language at my windshield.

That's the point of his bumper sticker, after all.  It's not to proclaim something he's proud of  (else it would just say, "I vote Republican") - it is to purely insult people who don't lean to the right or vote Republican.

Essentially, this man has stated that the work I do doesn't count as work, as I am a lazy, good for nothing, liberal.  His work, however, is true American work.  Never mind the fact that I am going to college for a degree in human rights law, no.  He contributes more to society because he votes Republican, and Republicans contribute more to society because fuck you, that's why.

I don't buy this.  While my current job requires me to work part-time in a grocery store deli, I still believe that the work I do is actual work.  I get paid for it, and I pay a higher percentage of taxes than most high-income Republicans do.  I guess, by that logic, I'm contributing more to society than most Republicans. 

Most of the people in this country do, in fact, work.  Only a very small percentage are unemployed by choice.  So if all working people voted Republican, methinks that the elections last year would have gone a lot differently.  We should change this bumper sticker, huh?

Let's see... what would be more appropriate?

Well, I know that, on average, people that lean politically to the left have a higher IQ than those that lead to the right.  So it could say, "Dumb People Vote Republican."

IQ is also directly tied to religious affiliation.  Those without religion are generally more intelligent than those who follow one.  So it could say, "Religious zealots vote Republican."

And I guess if we're taking a small percentage of the population (those that don't work) and applying that to a larger whole (liberals), then it's only fair that I get to do it too.  For example, not all Republicans are racist, but most racists are Republicans.  I could say, "White supremacists vote Republican."

One last one.  Most people that watch Fox News lean to the right.  Fox News is known for its right-wing bias (so much so that it's not only common knowledge, but a huge joke as well), as well as its ability to dumb down information, twist it, and basically lie. 

From Daily Kos: "The allegation that Fox News exploits their audience's tendency to voraciously consume absurdly spun tales driven by fear has been documented by researchers at the University College London Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience (and yes, that's real). Conservatives regularly demonstrate their proclivity for barking at the outrageous falsehoods proffered by Fox and other conservative fabulists. Among the university's findings were that the brains of conservatives are more likely to have an enlarged amygdala which is associated with greater inflexibility, emotion, and fear response."

So another bumper sticker could read, "People with enlarged amygdala vote Republican."

The bumper stickers I came up with were just as insulting - if not more so - than the first one pictured above.  "But Shaun," you might say, "You're a liberal.  Aren't you supposed to stand for peace?" Of course.  I'll be posting something about this later, but there comes a point when you just have to tell people to shut the fuck up and stop being so goddamn ignorant, liberal or not.

I'm gonna wrap this up by changing gears.  Were I the man driving this truck, I'd be ripping that sticker off out of plain embarrassment.  Under our current GOP governor, Paul LePage (who was elected with only 39% of the vote), Maine has become the least attractive state in the union for business with a dying economy.

So congratulations, Republicans.  It's hard to do work in a state where there is none.  Who are you going to vote for now? 

Who am I kidding?  You're going to keep voting Republican, even if Democrats are better with money.





For IQ stats cited above, click here. 

If you're a Republican that takes issue with this article, click here.    

Boehner Blames President Obama For The Drought.

Is there Socialist Sorcery afoot?  Does President Obama control the weather?  House Majority Speaker John Boehner seems to think so.  According to Talking Points Memo, a website posting and email press release from Boehner's office on Monday says that the president, "continues to blame anyone and everyone for the drought but himself."

It is a well-known fact that President Obama is the anti-Christ, but controlling America's weather?  This explains a lot, folks.  Climate change and global warming aren't real, they're just the result of devil-worshiping witchcraft.  Boehner could be on to something here.  Are the end times coming?  Is Obama warming the world in order to prepare for the minions of Hell?  

Uhm... no.  He just wrote a terribly constructed sentence that made President Obama sound like a wizard.  As soon as TPM reported the original story, Boehner and his team realized their mistake and went back to edit the website posting, found here.  Now the sentence reads, "the president continues to blame anyone and everyone for failing to respond to the drought but himself." 

Need some clarification?  I did too.  Apparently the president attacked Romney's new VP pick over a bill that he voted against in the House that would have provided relief to the suffering farmers of America.  Hence Boehner's issue.  It's important to note here that the quote is directly from Boehner, but the website and email press release came from his spokesperson, Kevin Smith.

Regardless, it's still a pretty hilarious story.  I wouldn't have been surprised if Team Boehner hadn't have gone back to change the wording.  Republicans are ready and willing to blame the president for anything, weather conditions included.  That reminds me, it's raining here in Maine, and I was going to go to the beach tonight.

Goddamn you, Obama!  

Scott Walker Wins And I Lose Faith In This Country.

This idiot re-won the governor seat in an unconventional Wisconsin election tonight, proving that if you've got money and friends in the right places (with money!), you can pretty much buy democracy. 

Side note: I have absolutely given up on this fucking country.  This is heart-wrenching. 

With Scott Walker winning again, despite the horrible way in which he has run his state in the last couple of years, it's actually possible that Mitt Romney could win the presidency.  I'm not saying that Wisconsin has that much pull in the election come November.  I'm merely stating that Americans are as ignorant and as unintelligent as the rest of the world thinks we are.  Fact. 

With this win for Walker, we have proven to the world that we can be bought, and that we are dumb enough to believe blatant lies in the face of facts.  We are a blemish on this planet, and a war in which the rest of the world unites against us cannot possibly come soon enough.

I pledge to you all that if Romney wins this November, I will pack up and move overseas so long as I have the financial means to do it.  I don't care where.  For an added bonus, I will document that journey with actual photographs of me moving my shit out of my apartment here in Maine.

And it will culminate in me renouncing my citizenship of this backward moving, homophobic, misogynistic, plutocratic, theocratic mass of land that embarrassingly calls itself "The Land of the Free."    

Now I know what some of you (white older males) are thinking: "Good!  Get out of here, you unpatriotic son-of-a-bitch!"  And that's totally fine.  Because I don't want to be here when the rest of the world realizes we are still breeding, watering down the collective gene pool with racists, bigots, and all-around assholes.   

A Message To The Users Of The Internet About Zombies.

This is getting fucking ridiculous.  Ever since that dude was caught gnawing on a homeless man's face in Florida, the internet has exploded with the faux-news of an upcoming zombie apocalypse.  Even some major news organizations have decided to exploit the story by compiling lists of zombie-like attacks.

CNN, to name one of them, has such a grisly list that is disgustingly followed by the words "But there's no need to dwell on them."  Leave it to CNN to scare the shit out of people only to follow it with something as obvious as "I see that the Google machine brought you here.  Thanks for reading, you fucking idiot." 

Rick Santorum's C.U.M. Movement.

 

When I woke up this morning, I had one thing on my mind: writing about education.  My first post, as you all have no doubt seen, was about Maine's governor demanding the legislature to cut MaineCare recipients (or face school closings).  My second post, currently in draft mode, is about President Obama's recent vetoing (technically) of Bush's No Child Left Behind Act.  

I guess what I'm trying to say is that when I woke up, I had no idea that Republican Presidential candidate Rick Santorum would make my day and, really, my entire weekend.  In an effort to help fund his campaign, Santorum has decided to set up an online drive called "Conservatives Unite Moneybomb," or C.U.M.  I'll let that sink in for just a second (gross).

A man whose name is synonymous with a rather disgusting byproduct of anal sex is trying to raise money with C.U.M.

Mob Boss LePage.

I've never tried to keep it a secret - I think Maine's Governor, Paul LePage, is a goddamn lunatic.  He is better suited to running a branch of the mob than he is to running a state.  And my hatred of him really has nothing to do the fact that he is a Republican either.  Hell, our last governor was a Democrat, and he didn't do anything (go figure).

But I digress.  LePage has been the face of Maine for more than a year now, and it seems like every time I see my state on the national news, it's because of something idiotic he has said.  Sometimes, I admit, I avoid writing about it simply because it can usually be summed up in my earlier (and quite popular) LePage post.  But if anything gets me, it's the subject of education, and LePage decided to hold it hostage recently over a budget quandary.

I found this lovely little snippet over at AddictingInfo:


Maine Governor Paul LePage has threatened to close down schools statewide unless he is allowed to throw 65,000 people off of MaineCare, Maine’s version of MedicAid.

“Right now, in order to continue the way we are, I will close schools May 1 and use that money, because that’s where we are,” LePage said in an appearance in Lewiston on Thursday evening. “It’s a matter of not having money. It’s not a matter of policy. It’s a matter of when you have one hundred dollars in your checkbook and you’re spending two hundred, you’ve got a problem.”

Yeah, sure, why cut the tax breaks you've given to corporations here in Maine when you can just as easily cut schools?  I mean, kids don't need to be educated these days.  And those jobs?  You know, the teachers and faculty that run the school?  They don't need those either.

Ironically, the school faculty would probably end up on MaineCare if their jobs were cut. 

Here's my favorite part of the article, though:

The state’s Democratic Party seems somewhat confused by this ultimatum as the Governor does not actually possess the legal authority to carry out his threat.

The Maine Constitution is very clear that the authority to fund public education lies with the Legislature, said Rep. Margaret Rotundo of Lewiston, the ranking Democrat on the Appropriations Committee.
“My understanding is that the Legislature would have to pass legislation not to fund the schools, and that’s not going to happen. It’s just not going to happen. So people don’t have to worry about the schools closing,” Rotundo said Friday.

This is very true.  Governor LePage doesn't have the power to just shut down schools.  If that were the case, most Republican-run states wouldn't have them.  Still, I find this to be quite telling of our governor.  Rather than cut the tax breaks he's given to Maine's corporations, LePage would cut the future's of Maine's children.

So yes, while education is safe from the mob boss (for now), rest assured that he will find something to cut - something that will affect the lower and middle classes far more than the upper.     






Both the quotes and the image above can be found at AddictingInfo.

Money: Democracy's Kryptonite.

No, I will not explain what kryptonite is. You should

know that already.  

 

So here's the story.  Back in 2010, the Supreme Court heard a case known as Citizens United V. The Federal Electoral Commission.  Citizens United is a conservative group that wanted to air a movie about Hillary Clinton that they had creatively titled Hillary: The Movie.  The strange part of all this was that they wanted to air it back in 2008 - the appeal didn't reach SCOTUS for about a year and a half.

It's really all convoluted.  The history of the case is so twisted and ridiculous, I'm surprised that the higher courts are able to remember what it is they are voting on.  I kid you not, SCOTUS benched the case in August of '08, heard oral arguments in March of '09, and then issued an order in June of '09 for the parties to reargue their cases in September of '09.  The vote, by the way, wasn't made until January of 2010.  

LePage Rage.

Note: Every picture of Governor LePage is followed by an actual, word for word quote.  Link is at the bottom.

"I would say intelligence, uh, the more education you have

the more knowledge you have the better person you are and I 

believe yes and yes." -When asked if he believed Creationism

should be taught in Maine schools, May 2010.

It should be of no surprise to anyone paying attention to American politics that the incumbent governor of Maine, Paul LePage, is a twit.  He won with 38.3% of the vote in 2010 because the election had numerous runners, including three independents and a democrat.  Had the latter dropped out, independent candidate Eliot Cutler would have received more than 50% of the vote.  To give you a sense of how much better of a person Cutler is than LePage, he didn't run a single negative campaign ad during the election season.  Not one.    

But we got stuck with the man that literally looks like how all big-business republicans are portrayed.  Some say the appeal of LePage is that he is blunt and straightforward - characteristics that most politicians unfortunately lack.  Those that do not support the governor, myself included, argue that his bluntness is an understatement.  He behaves more like a mob boss than a state leader.  He is supposed to represent the state of Maine and, as such, the people of Maine.  Instead, he is an embarrassment to us, and really to all of New England.  Like an unedited, walking conservative-republican talking points memo, LePage does everything in his power to tear down unions, education, labor laws, human rights, the environment, the president, and liberals.  Don't believe me?  Fuck it, let's take a good look at some examples, all of which will be rated according to the "Dick Scale."  The Dick Scale is a measure of how much of a dick an individual is, or how "dickish" his/her's actions are.  My scale is simple, ranging from 1-5, 1 being that the person/action isn't dickish, and 5 being a person/action that is clearly such a dick, words can barely describe it.

"Tolerance!? More Like BULLSHIT."

"...we are not a Muslim nation."

Question: Are we a nation of assholes? Because

only assholes would elect assholes to a represent them in office.

In a strong and unfortunately successful attempt to embarrass my home state of Maine, Representative Amy Volk of the state house lit up Facebook a few weeks ago with an extremely well-placed and ignorant status update.

It followed the morning prayer which, I guess, both the House and the Senate have, (probably following a middle-finger salute to the First Amendment) by Reverend Donna Lee Muise.  While I'm personally no fan of prayers, there are some that truly are like poetry.  As an English major, I both respect and love them.  And as a tolerant human being, I have to say that Reverend Muise's prayer struck me as one to be celebrated, not shunned.

The contents of it, while important, are not what Representative Volk had an issue with.  It was how Muise ended it that caused Volk to flip her shit and passive-aggressively bitch out the reverend on Facebook.

"And so in all Your many names - Yahweh, Allah, God - we pray that Your will be done.  Amen and Shalom."

Have Some Friggin' Pride, Mainahs.

"Maine?  Isn't that in Canada?"

Despite the fact that 31% of my state is responsible for electing the biggest moron in government since George W. Bush, I can't simply back down and fall into embarrassed isolation.  While many people my age would refuse to admit it, there are a lot of things to be proud of about this state.  Sure, we don't have giant amusement parks or cities, tropical weather or a diverse population.  So what do we have?  Without further ado, I present my top ten reasons why being a "Mainah" is the shit.  Hold your applause to the end, please.  I hate being interrupted.  ...Oh, and these are in no particular order.