Facts: A Beginner's Guide For Conservatives.

*Warning!*  If you are not familiar with grade school level science, the English language, or reality in general, you may have trouble comprehending this article. Of course, as it is meant for my conservative readers (a.k.a. the people that accidentally stumbled here because reading things you don't agree with is almost fundamentally out of your wheelhouse), I'll try to keep my words small, the sentences brief, and the pictures plentiful.

Here's a fun game:

One of the following sentences is a fact and the other one is not. Can you tell which one is which?

A.) Getting punched in the dick hurts.
B.) President Obama wants to take away everyone's guns.

Ann Coulter's Attempt to Mock First Lady Obama and Hashtag Activism Backfires

"Give me all of your babies, for they 

fuel my unbridled hatred."

Ann Coulter is a right-wing political commentator and activist that can best be described as the female version of one Rush Limbaugh. Just about every word that hisses its way past her forked tongue and sharp fangs are loaded with hate and tipped with spite (and yes, if words had flavors, hers would taste distinctly of bullshit).

She is one of the champions of ignorance over at Fox News, and she is evil personified. To give you a brief glimpse of what I mean, here's a little quote from Coulter from an interview she did with the New York Observer back in 2007:

"If we took away women's right to vote, we'd never have to worry about another Democrat president. It's kind of a pipe dream, it's a personal fantasy of mine, but I don't think it's going to happen. And it is a good way of making the point that women are voting so stupidly, at least single women.

"It also makes the point, it is kind of embarrassing, the Democratic Party ought to be hanging its head in shame, that is has so much difficulty getting men to vote for it. I mean, you do see it's the party of women and 'We'll pay for health care and tuition and day care - and here, what else can we give you, soccer moms?'"

6 Reasons Why Cliven Bundy and His Militiamen Are Assholes.

Cliven Bundy is an asshole. Everyone that joins him at his ranch is an asshole. And anyone that supports him has their heads up their own assholes. For those of you that don't know, Bundy (the asshole pictured above) is the man trying to start an armed revolution against the federal government because he's too stubborn to admit that he's wrong.

Trending Topic #Liberaltips2avoidrape Completely Misses The Mark.

Image found at Mother Jones*

 

In the last 24 hours, a new hashtag has started to trend on Twitter known as "#Liberaltips2avoidrape."  When I first heard about it, I was greatly offended not just for women, but really for the entire human race.  I still am, in fact, especially since I spent a good two hours pouring through these awful tweets.

The trend started as a way to mock Democratic State Representative Joe Salazar of Colorado, who had introduced a bill making it illegal to carry weapons onto college campuses even if the holder has a conceal and carry permit.  Opponents to the bill say that passing such a law would make it more difficult for students to protect themselves against mass shooters and rapists (apparently ignoring the fact that no mass shooting in the last 30 years has been stopped by an armed civilian, and that "in 2010, nearly 6 times more women were shot by husbands, boyfriends, and ex-partners than murdered by male strangers" (Mother Jones)).

Here's more from Mother Jones:

Salazar came down on the side of those who believe that more loaded guns on college campuses is a terrible idea. (This isn't such a radical opinion if you look at the data.) He delivered the following rebuttal on the state House floor:

It's why we have call boxes, it's why we have safe zones, that's why we have the whistles. Because you just don't know who you're gonna be shooting at. And you don't know if you feel like you're gonna be raped, or if you feel like someone's been following you around, or if you feel like you're in trouble and when you may actually not be, that you pop out that gun and you pop... pop a round at somebody.

There's footage of the speech here.

It's pretty clear what Salazar was trying to say: Frightened college kids carrying handguns might result in unintended casualties. You could argue that it was clumsily phrased, but there isn't anything nefarious. The statement was so blah that the Colorado House Republican minority didn't bother to issue a press release about Salazar's statement. At least not until after conservative bloggers, seeking to brand somebody the Democratic Todd "Legitimate Rape" Akin, commenced their social-media freak-out during the long President's Day weekend.

Salazar was labeled the new poster boy for the "real war on women," and painted as someone who denies women the right to protect themselves against sexual assault. He was portrayed as an out-of-touch, gun-stealing lefty who promoted blowing a whistle over actually fighting off an attack. Many also latched onto Salazar's "you don't know if you feel like you're gonna be raped," upgraded the meaning to something around the lines of, "women can't ever tell when they're about to get raped/getting raped," and voilà! New Todd Akin.


Oh, now I get it!  The trend is supposed to be funny!  Okay.  I mean, really, check out some of these hilarious gems just annihilating Salazar and his crazy liberalness!

 Divadoll123 is right!  It isn't about gun control at all.  It was only started in response to a Democratic representative arguing to keep campuses safer by arguing for gun control.  Wait, what?  Gun control was exactly why this topic was started, you mouth-breather. 

This isn't about empowering women to protect themselves at all.  It's about stopping people from harming innocents.  Please explain why mace or a taser won't work.  Why do you need a gun?  Do you need to have something that will take someone's life away?
 

 It's funny because of how much he missed the point!  Raising your son to respect women is teaching someone not to rape.  Instead of telling women that they shouldn't wear certain clothes because it makes them seem more "rape-able," why don't we focus more on creating a culture where men don't treat women as objects? 

You see, what Bill "Hyperbole" Zeiser is trying to do is make it seem like liberals want to take women's guns away and just "teach men not to rape" which, judging by his sarcasm, he doesn't think will work (probably because he's oversimplifying things).  If he could have typed a little more, I guarantee his next sentence would have been obvious: "Liberals are trying to increase the odds of rape for a woman." 

Ahahahahaha!  Too funny, Beer_Wolf!  Gang rape is incredibly funny!

Now, now, let's not be silly.  He can't be every where at once, now can He?    

Hahaha, way to stick it to Salazar!  Oh, wait... you're not.  In fact, a pretty high percentage aren't.

Better to be a kind, caring individual then a closeted psychopath that's one finger twitch away from being a murderer.

See, here are the problems with this trend:

1) It's suppose to be poking fun at liberals for our beliefs, yet really all it's doing is insulting rape victims by attacking beliefs that conservatives think liberals have.

2) It was started as a way to call attention to Salazar's comments, but his comments were taken out of context.  Many people using this hashtag are wondering why liberals and women's rights groups aren't just as upset with Salazar as we were with Akin.  Perhaps it's because what Akin said was stupid, misogynistic, and went against all of biology and common sense combined, whereas what Salazar said was just kind of bumbled.  Yes, it could have been phrased better, but all he was saying is that it's easy to discharge a loaded weapon in a panic and hurt someone innocent.  Akin said that legitimate rape does not result in pregnancies, inferring that if you were raped and became pregnant, then you must have been consenting to it and it was never rape after all.  That's sick. 

3)

This one comes up a lot too, and I think it has to do with that Letterman thing awhile back.  I don't know of many people that actually thought what Letterman said was funny (or, really, that he's a funny person at all).  He apologized for what he said, but the fact remains: rape isn't a joke.

This trending hashtag is disgusting and vile, and everyone who contributes to it has no idea why it was started, or what Salazar's original comment was in its entirety.  The only thing it is good for is determining who on Twitter is a complete fucking idiot. 

So here, read this article - the same one cited above - and educate yourself.  Or go here, to the Twitter Search Feed, and subject yourself to tweet upon unsavory tweet until your mouth tastes of ash and you hate humanity.  

Author's Note: I was originally going to approach this post sarcastically and praise the conservatives for such a fantastic argument (see what I did there?), but I couldn't.  It hurt my soul to try.  Rape isn't funny.  Period.  If you think that Salazar's comments are even in the same ballpark as Akin's, then you have obviously missed the point of the Akin outrage.  Grow up, educate yourself, and then join the rest of the world as we progress into the rest of the 21st century.    

*As far as this very top image goes, I am floored.  The creator of this image, a conservative tweeter, attached this to his hashtag, apparently arguing that a good way to not get raped is to be old, bitter, and ugly.  I'm glad he censored the "ass," though.  Otherwise this image would have been very insulting.

Apple Manufactures Phone Specifically For The Right-Wing.

I usually don't advertise for products on here, but I saw this one and couldn't help myself.  Apple calls it the Dumbphone, and it uses state of the art technology to filter out information based in reality and/or fact.  It also gives you first class access to applications not available to liberal smartphone users.

Go crazy with Glenn Beck TV!  Listen to the hollow, empty words of Rush "Blow Hard" Limbaugh!  Or get up to the minute false information on all current news stories with the Fox News app!  The Dumbphone contains so much ignorant power, you won't believe that it's all at your fingertips.

You see, Apple designed the Dumbphone with you -the right-wing user - in mind.  Why be exposed to the world of reality with a real phone when you can stay in your bubble, ever-connected to a conservative consciousness that is consistently reinforcing the fantasy in which you live?  Why think for yourself when you can have the Dumbphone do it for you? 

Check out these amazing new features, copied straight from the website:

*Call Screening: The Dumbphone will not accept calls, nor will it make calls, to anyone with an IQ of 75 or more, ensuring that those pesky liberal elite family members of yours will never call to pester you with the latest accomplishments of "Dear Leader Obama." 

*Gipr: Siri has been replaced for this model.  Introducing Gipr, the new Reagan-inspired Dumbphone assistant, capable of deciphering even the most incoherent of primitive command noises that come out of your mouth hole.

*Insult Generator: Did you leave your underground bunker and run into a liberal?  Is that liberal trying to argue with you by throwing well-informed facts in your face?  The Dumbphone has the answer!  With over one million randomly generated insults, the Dumbphone always has you prepared with a barrage of personal attacks that are guaranteed to stop any argument dead in its tracks, leaving you feeling satisfied with an unearned victory. 

*Concealed Weapon: The Dumbphone comes locked and loaded with six deadly 5.56 hollow point rounds cleverly disguised in a chamber behind the phone's camera.  Those government agents may think that you're just taking a picture of them stealing your guns and dragging your wife out into the street, but really you're getting ready to commit murder!  Just point and fire! *Flash not included.

*Edited History: The Dumbphone immediately censors any historical internet article, conforming it to right-wing philosophies.  Read the Right (pun intended!) version of the Constitution!  Learn how fast Jesus Christ could load a musket!  And read about how God Himself created the white race, Republicanism, and America all in His own righteous image. 

*Gaydar: Stay away from homosexuals forever with Gaydar, a motion tracker tuned to the genetic frequencies of those in the LGBT community.  Gaydar can also be tuned to hippies, liberals, drug-addicts, welfare recipients, vegans, foreigners, the U.N., atheists, Muslims, feminists, non-whites, non-Christians, San Francisco, elites, President Obama or (for all you ultra right-wingers out there) all of the above.

*Conservative's Guide to Sex: An entire one page article on sex, from how it works to the two positions you can have it in (missionary or abstinence). 

*Fuel Inefficient: The Dumbphone does not run on a liberal good-for-the-environment power source like a battery.  Whenever you want to recharge your phone, simply take it to the nearest gas station and fill it with diesel fuel.  It's recommended that you bring a spare tank with you, as the Dumbphone can only hold enough fuel to charge it for fifteen minutes.

*Bush Era Memory Wipe: The first time you sync the phone up with yourself, the Dumbphone selectively wipes your memory of President Bush's eight years in office, effectively freeing up your mind to attack the current state of the federal government without worrying about being a hypocrite.  You can also choose to erase any and all knowledge of what a hypocrite is (recommended).

*Easy to Fix: The Dumbphone is built piece by piece by non-union child factory workers in Taiwan, and Apple is passing those savings on to you!  If the Dumbphone breaks, all you have to do is take it apart, find the malfunctioning culprit, and replace it at 200% of the original cost of the piece.  Wow!

*Automatic Donations: 70% of your monthly bill is divided up equally and donated to Republican political races, Republican organizations such as the NRA, non-charity entities, and talking heads like Limbaugh, Beck, Hannity, and more.

*EBook Reader: It doesn't come with one.

*Music: The Dumbphone comes preloaded with 30gb (of its total 32gb) of country, christian, and military music that can't be deleted.  Never feel unpatriotic again!

*Doubles as a Flag Pin: The back of the Dumbphone is graced with the American flag, while the front has two attachable, razor sharp hooks that pierce breast flesh with ease.  Never appear on television, radio, or in photos without it.

The Dumbphone, coming to you exclusively from Apple.  Just remember the motto: If ignorance is bliss, you'll be in Heaven with the Dumbphone.

To order your Dumbphone, check out Apple's website here.  This is a miracle piece of technology that all right-wingers should enjoy.  

Christianity and Gun Rights Are Not Compatible.

Posted below, for your enjoyment, is an article written by Andrew Sullivan over at The Daily Beast.  I enjoyed the article so much, that I wanted to share it with you, my readers.  It reinforces my question from an earlier post: why do modern day republicans think that Christianity is compatible with their political beliefs when it clearly isn't?

I, personally, do not believe in the Christian God, nor do I think that Jesus Christ was His son.  However, I find his teachings to be absolutely wonderful.  Whether he was real or not is irrelevant.  He was a fantastic human being.

The article below can be found at its original posting site here.  All credit goes to Mr. Sullivan - he wrote this beautifully worded article, not me. 

I just read a post on National Review arguing that Christianity is in part about armed self-defense and the Second Amendment. I kid you not. Christianity is now apparently compatible with the gun lobby. For some reason, this particular statement from Jesus - one of the most famous in all of human history - doesn't appear in the post:

You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth". But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles.
You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven.

The great drama of the Passion requires absolute nonviolence in the face of even immense injustice. Not only did Jesus not resist the violence done to him, he refused even to offer a word of self-defense in front of Pilate. When Peter used a sword to cut off the ear of one who had come to arrest Jesus in Gethsemane, Jesus' response is unequivocal:

While he was still speaking, Judas, one of the Twelve, arrived. With him was a large crowd armed with swords and clubs, sent from the chief priests and the elders of the people... Jesus said [to Judas], “Do what you came for, friend.” Then the men stepped forward, seized Jesus and arrested him. With that, one of Jesus’ companions reached for his sword, drew it out and struck the servant of the high priest, cutting off his ear.“Put your sword back in its place,” Jesus said to him, “for all who draw the sword will die by the sword.

He then heals the wound created in self-defense. The whole point of Christianity, on a personal level, is a refusal to use violence even in self-defense and even when one's own life is threatened. For centuries, this radical nonviolence was celebrated by the church in its canonization of martyrs who chose to be mauled alive by animals than submit to the civil order's paganism. Martyrdom was the first and ultimate form of nonviolent resistance to injustice and, like the Christian-rooted civil rights movement or Gandhi's campaign for independence, it was precisely this staggering refusal to defend oneself, the insistence on being completely disarmed, that changed global consciousness. It was what made Christians different. It's what made Martin Luther King Jr different. To use Jesus as an advocate of armed self-defense is almost comical if it were not so despicable.

I can see much more worldly arguments for physical self-defense, course; it is at the core of the modern Hobbesian and Lockean model for Western civilization. In a fallen world, there is also a case for just war (but one that Aquinas had to come up with, for Jesus was uninterested). Machiavelli went even further - but there is a reason he is associated with evil, and remains one of Christianity's greatest intellectual foes. And I can see David French's point about defending one's family. But here's another news alert to the allegedly Christian right: so far as we can tell from the Gospels, Jesus disowned his family in public in his teens and abandoned them on his ministry, telling his disciples to abandon theirs - and their entire source of income - as well. Jesus, we are told, said the following words - outrageous today, unimaginably heretical in its time:

If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.

This man is now a symbol for "pro-family" and "pro-gun" Republicanism. And yet he had no property to defend, no wife to protect, no children to keep safe, no house to live in. He never carried a weapon and rebuked his friends when they used one against a mob armed with clubs and swords about to arrest and torture him to death. He was homeless, completely dependent on the good will, shelter and food of others. He was, as today's Republicans would say, a "taker". But of course, it is in giving that you receive in Christianity. Jesus inverted the entire maker-taker paradigm. So no, congressman Ryan, you cannot be a disciple of Ayn Rand and Jesus of Nazareth. In any way whatsoever.

In my view, Jesus should not be dragged into any of our current policy debates. The issue of gun control in this country at this time is complex and worth debating in civil and secular terms. I think we can make things a little safer, but given the ubiquity of guns and the Constitution of the US, I wouldn't expect much that doesn't end up making things even worse. Bishops who pontificate on this in political contexts are equally violating Jesus' apolitical spirit.

But when Jesus's example is used to defend violence, to celebrate self-defense, to find ways to look away from the mass murder of children, beware. Jesus' response to unspeakable violence was unconditional surrender and yet more still:

Father, forgive them; for they know not what they do.

It's Official! President Obama To Seek Third Term As POTUS.

Readers, you all know by now that I worship President Obama.  I have an entire room in my apartment dedicated to his existence, complete with hair follicles, pictures, and a piece of gum he spit out on his last trip to Maine.  It's obvious, I think, by now that he has never done anything wrong in his life, nor will he ever, and will go down in history as the greatest president to ever hold the office of Commander-in-Chief, future presidents included.  He is the reason I get up every morning (I have to recite the Obama Loyalty Oath during the rise of the sun), and the reason I go to bed every night (he frequently visits me in my dreams for a little homo-erotic subconscious sinning).

I, like all leftist, atheist, liberal socialists, was afraid last year.  I was afraid that our Dear Leader would only have four years to accomplish the take-over of this country.  Luckily for us, Romney was soundly defeated thanks to our tampering with the vote count in Florida, Virginia, and Ohio, bringing about four more years of radical change.

The innocent Republicans are scared and on the run, but all they have to do is hang on until 2016.  Will that be enough time for us to finish our mission, my brothers and sisters?  No, it won't.  Thankfully, President Obama's loyal and devout followers have realized this.  Representative Jose Serrano of New York has begun taking the necessary steps to repeal the 22nd Amendment with HJ Resolution 15.

Does HJ Resolution have any chance of passing?  No... in fact, it has zero chance of making it out of committee.  It always has.

Oh, did I say "always"?  Well, President Obama actually began taking the steps to secure his third term back during the Bush Administration in the year 2001.  Clever, huh?  Unfortunately, Serrano's resolution won't be the president's solution to his third term.  In fact, changing amendments won't do it at all.

According to page 45 of the Ninth Essentials Edition of "We The People" by Ginsberg, Lowi, Weir, Tolbert, and Spitzer:

"The Constitution established procedures for its own revision in Article V.  Its provisions are so difficult that the document has been successfully amended only 17 times since 1791, when the first 10 amendments were adopted.  Thousands of other amendments have been proposed in Congress, but fewer than 40 of them have even come close to fulfilling the Constitution's requirement of a two-thirds vote in Congress, and only a fraction have gotten anywhere near adoption by three-fourths of the states."

Shit.  Only 17 times, huh?  Looks like Representative Serrano missed the mark, here.  So what, then, is our Dear Leader going to do to get reelected in 2016?  Simple!

The recent spike in gun violence in this country has given our side an advantage.  We can now use the threat of future violence to lure centrists to our side and get the numbers we need to do what must be done to finish our radical liberal take-over of America:

Take their guns.

Without their guns, the right-wing will be completely defenseless, allowing President Obama to move U.S. troops into every state to usurp the rights of conservatives and Republicans alike.  It'll be quick, almost overnight.  We can't give them any warning.  It's why Obama has yet to take a single right away from anyone since he took office in January of 2009.  They can't see it coming, and they can't be able to defend themselves.  A strong right-wing defense just means more left-wing casualties.

Soon we'll be able to stop pretending that we're the ideology of peace and rational thought, of equality and love.  Soon we can cast aside that mantle and show our true colors!

Of course, Obama will need millions of loyal agents willing to go into the homes of their fellow Americans to actually take these guns.  We'd need to get law enforcement involved and ready to go along with the plan, too.  Courts would also need to look the other way... logistics might be an issue... and conservatives would probably defend themselves from the seizure...

You know what?  Let's not think about the crazy details just yet.  We've got four years to work the kinks out.  And a third term?  Totally doable.






























Anyone who believes that President Obama is running for a third term is a fucking idiot.  And to think that his supporters are "sheep" enough to go along with something so ridiculous is ignorant and disrespectful.  He's a good president, sure, but goddamn, he has no intention of running for a third term in any way, shape, or form.  Why the hell would he?

For more on why this story is a conspiracy theory and nothing more, check out this Addicting Info article.

Or this quote from David Adler, director of the Andrus Center for Public Policy at Boise State University:

“There is nothing in his tenure as president, nothing that we know of him, that indicates that Barack Obama is going to seek a third term. Short of a military coup, the 22nd Amendment stands as an insurmountable obstacle to a third-term president today, and there is no evidence to suggest Obama or his supporters are planning on staging a coup. It’s a right-wing fantasy cooked up to try to frighten Americans.”

Fascism And The GOP (Part One).

I was perusing the internet today (something I haven't had time to do in a long while) and I stumbled upon this handy little guide that defined Fascism in fourteen simple characteristics.  So instead of writing something about killing tools (guns) or general ignorance, I decided to draw up a comparison of what a Fascist state is like and what the modern Republican party is like.

Now before I go on, I want to get one thing clear: this is a liberal comedy/information blog written by an independent.  So while I could compare this same list to the Democrats (who do line up with a few of the numbers, but not the majority of them like the GOP does), I won't.  Do that yourself, you lazy fuck.

Another note: I am fully aware that this has probably been done before as the internet is a very large place.  Hell, I found one that compared the fourteen points to President Obama, albeit in a not-very-serious manner.

Here's the quick foreword from the website I got these from: "Dr. Lawrence Britt has examined the fascist regimes of Hitler (Germany), Mussolini (Italy), Franco (Spain), Suharto (Indonesia) and several Latin American regimes. Britt found 14 defining characteristics common to each."

Hypocrisy In Action: Christianity and the GOP

This isn't going to be a long, drawn out post.  I'm waiting for my "American Romanticists" class to start, and figured now would be a good time to argue with people.  Actually, any time is a good time for an argument.  That's probably why my arms are always tingling.  Go, adrenaline!

I have a question, though, for my non-left leaning readers: how do you reconcile your beliefs in the Christian God/Jesus Christ with your right-wing political slant?  Obviously, this question only applies to people who are both Christian and right-leaning.

Why do I ask?  Because you're all hypocrites, plain and simple.  I don't meant to start this dialogue with name-calling, but it's kind of a fact.  That's what you are.  Christianity and the beliefs of the modern day Republican party clash worse than an orange shirt would with green jeans.

So... why?  You can't be both.  Pick one.  Consider me to be the arrogant, pompous individual in charge of all things moral and just in the world.  Write in the comments section (no "anonymous" comments will be posted, cowards) with your opinion.  If your comment does nothing but insult me, it will not be posted, as it will have no positive effect on this dialogue.* 

Tell me why you are a Christian and a Right-Winger.  Explain to me your beliefs.  Tell me how you interpret the New Testament.  I want to know.  Convince me.

I'm looking forward to this discussion, if it even occurs.     






*I'm not saying not to insult me.  Go ahead.  Try to make me cry for all I care (and you probably will, if your comment is stupid enough - er, well... tears of joy, anyway).  All I ask is that contribute in a meaningful way. 

Working People Vote Republican? Sure.

I saw this ignorant piece of shit bumper sticker on the back of what I can only assume was an ignorant piece of shit person's truck (where else?) earlier this afternoon.  Had he looked into his rear view mirror, the driver would have seen me flailing about behind my steering wheel, flipping him the bird and screaming not-so-pleasant language at my windshield.

That's the point of his bumper sticker, after all.  It's not to proclaim something he's proud of  (else it would just say, "I vote Republican") - it is to purely insult people who don't lean to the right or vote Republican.

Essentially, this man has stated that the work I do doesn't count as work, as I am a lazy, good for nothing, liberal.  His work, however, is true American work.  Never mind the fact that I am going to college for a degree in human rights law, no.  He contributes more to society because he votes Republican, and Republicans contribute more to society because fuck you, that's why.

I don't buy this.  While my current job requires me to work part-time in a grocery store deli, I still believe that the work I do is actual work.  I get paid for it, and I pay a higher percentage of taxes than most high-income Republicans do.  I guess, by that logic, I'm contributing more to society than most Republicans. 

Most of the people in this country do, in fact, work.  Only a very small percentage are unemployed by choice.  So if all working people voted Republican, methinks that the elections last year would have gone a lot differently.  We should change this bumper sticker, huh?

Let's see... what would be more appropriate?

Well, I know that, on average, people that lean politically to the left have a higher IQ than those that lead to the right.  So it could say, "Dumb People Vote Republican."

IQ is also directly tied to religious affiliation.  Those without religion are generally more intelligent than those who follow one.  So it could say, "Religious zealots vote Republican."

And I guess if we're taking a small percentage of the population (those that don't work) and applying that to a larger whole (liberals), then it's only fair that I get to do it too.  For example, not all Republicans are racist, but most racists are Republicans.  I could say, "White supremacists vote Republican."

One last one.  Most people that watch Fox News lean to the right.  Fox News is known for its right-wing bias (so much so that it's not only common knowledge, but a huge joke as well), as well as its ability to dumb down information, twist it, and basically lie. 

From Daily Kos: "The allegation that Fox News exploits their audience's tendency to voraciously consume absurdly spun tales driven by fear has been documented by researchers at the University College London Institute of Cognitive Neuroscience (and yes, that's real). Conservatives regularly demonstrate their proclivity for barking at the outrageous falsehoods proffered by Fox and other conservative fabulists. Among the university's findings were that the brains of conservatives are more likely to have an enlarged amygdala which is associated with greater inflexibility, emotion, and fear response."

So another bumper sticker could read, "People with enlarged amygdala vote Republican."

The bumper stickers I came up with were just as insulting - if not more so - than the first one pictured above.  "But Shaun," you might say, "You're a liberal.  Aren't you supposed to stand for peace?" Of course.  I'll be posting something about this later, but there comes a point when you just have to tell people to shut the fuck up and stop being so goddamn ignorant, liberal or not.

I'm gonna wrap this up by changing gears.  Were I the man driving this truck, I'd be ripping that sticker off out of plain embarrassment.  Under our current GOP governor, Paul LePage (who was elected with only 39% of the vote), Maine has become the least attractive state in the union for business with a dying economy.

So congratulations, Republicans.  It's hard to do work in a state where there is none.  Who are you going to vote for now? 

Who am I kidding?  You're going to keep voting Republican, even if Democrats are better with money.





For IQ stats cited above, click here. 

If you're a Republican that takes issue with this article, click here.    

Fox News Thinks That The Westboro Baptist Church Is Liberal.

Merry Christmas, everyone!  I wrote you this awesomely depressing post.  Tis the season, ya know?

 

(Image Found At AddictingInfo)

To be honest, I'm not really sure what to say here.  Need I say anything?  Fox News thinks that Fred Phelps is a Democrat, and that the Westboro Baptist Church is a liberal organization.  Just for your viewing pleasure, I have copied the definition of "liberal" from The Free Dictionary, and pasted it below.  I guess we'll start here.

lib·er·al  (lbr-l, lbrl)adj.

1.

a. Not limited to or by established, traditional, orthodox, or authoritarian attitudes, views, or dogmas; free from bigotry.

b. Favoring proposals for reform, open to new ideas for progress, and tolerant of the ideas and behavior of others; broad-minded.

c. Of, relating to, or characteristic of liberalism.

d. Liberal Of, designating, or characteristic of a political party founded on or associated with principles of social and political liberalism, especially in Great Britain, Canada, and the United States.

2.

a. Tending to give freely; generous: a liberal benefactor.

Interesting.  Because when I think Westboro Baptist Church, I think of tolerance.  Just like when I think of Kristen Stewart, the words, "Great actress with an amazing depth of emotion" come to mind.  Author's Note: If you didn't pick up on the sarcasm in that last sentence, I beg of you to close your laptop and assassinate your modem.  You do not belong on the internet.

But hey, let's entertain this notion of the WBC being a beacon of liberal tolerance, open-mindedness, and generosity.  I present to you the following images for your enjoyment:

 

 

Did I say enjoyment?  I meant disgust.  I confuse the two a lot. 

 

So in the reality that Fox News has created (a.k.a. "non-reality" or "fantasy"), the WBC is liberal. What about us here on planet Earth?  Do we believe that the WBC is liberal or conservative?  I can't speak for you, but I'm absolutely going to.

 

It doesn't fucking matter.  They are a hate group running a giant scam.

 

Labeling them as anything is an insult to that label.  Don't get me wrong, I'm all for insulting ultra right-wingers and conservatives, and the WBC has a lot of common beliefs with the right and even, humorously enough, Fox News (if you have yet to notice, anything Fox News is in favor of is conservative, and anything it is against is liberal).  But few people on this planet can reap the awesome magnitude of fuckery and assholishness that the WBC can.  

 

You have to remember, the WBC is a group of people that incite others into suing them by saying awful, inhuman things in the form of blanket statements.  Once sued, the WBC counter-sues on the premise that their 1st Amendment rights are being attacked (take note, NRA!), and usually win millions of dollars in damages.  It's a big fucking con.

 

Oh, shit... a con?  Maybe Fox News and the WBC have more in common than I thought.

 

But wait, there's more!  The "conservative biker gang" that heroically counter-protested the WBC's protest aren't conservative.  

 

Nathaniel Downes of AddictingInfo explains:

The motorcycle riders in this case were members of the Patriot Guard Riders (PGR), a non-partisan organization set up in response to the hate-filled WBC protests, to act as guards and shelter for the families in mourning. Founded in 2005, at American Legion Post 136 in Mulvane, Kansas, the PGR’s mission is simple: to show their sincere respect for our fallen heroes, their families, and their communities while shielding the mourning family and friends from interruptions created by any protester or group of protesters. They abstain from politics, as any good soldier, and instead focus on the appropriate manner with which to fight against the vile hatred spat out by the Westboro Baptist Church.

 

So I guess that makes Fox News wrong on both counts.  I'm going to speak for you again here and say that nobody is surprised.  

PS- If you don't believe me that Fred Phelps is a genius con man, read this.  Post your thoughts below.  Remember to leave some form of identity - I won't post anonymous comments, even if they are positive.

Standard Right Wing Propaganda: Women Have Abortions For Funsies.

Let's get something straight right off the bat: no woman decides to have an abortion because a fetus is "annoying."  Not only is that an ignorant thing to say, but it's also incredibly insulting. And flushing it down a sink?! Really?  Is that supposed to be a metaphor for abortion because, if so, it's vile, misleading, and totally ridiculous.  All liberals know that the correct way to have an abortion is to flush it down a toilet.

One thing I'd really like to point out is that drinking alcohol while pregnant and having an abortion are in two separate wheelhouses.  The former assumes that you are going to give birth to a child and, obviously, consuming alcohol is a bad idea for a multitude of reasons.  The latter assumes that you are not going to give birth because, you know, you aren't having a baby.  Abortion terminates a pregnancy on the spot.  Drinking alcohol when pregnant screws up a person's life for, well, his/her entire life.

But wait, there's more!

This one is just in poor taste (then again, you'd be hard pressed to find something at LiberalLogic101 that isn't).

A madman killed twelve people in Aurora, Colorado.  These people had loved ones, thoughts, memories, experiences.  They had likes and dislikes.  They knew music and love.  A fetus does not know those things.  In fact, it knows nothing at all.

And clearly the person running LiberalLogic101 doesn't either.

Alright, last one.  I promise.

  
You know what doesn't mention either one?  The New Testament.  Maybe you should check that out sometime and actually put the practices it does preach to good use. 

And, uh, you do have the right to own a gun.  Was that ever in dispute?  The difference here is that a gun is not part of the human body.  Again, two different wheelhouses.  It seems like the only way conservatives can get their points across to each other is to mash two completely separate arguments into one semi-coherent cluster-fuck of words and provocative images.

That definitely explains Fox News. 

GOP Chair Jim Roddey Calls Obama Supporters "Mentally Retarded."

Pictured above is Pennsylvania’s Allegheny County GOP Chair, Jim Roddey.  It should come as no surprise to you that he is old or white, nor should you be shocked when I tell you that at an election party last night, he called Obama supporters "mentally retarded."  Old, white and ignorant: the base of the Republican Party.

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette reports that Roddey was telling a joke in front of about 200 people, saying:

"There was a disappointment tonight. I was very embarrassed. I was in this parking lot and there was a man looking for a space to park, and I found a space for him. And I felt badly -- he looked like he was sort of in distress. And I said, 'Sir, here's a place.' And he said, 'That's a handicapped space.' I said, 'Oh I'm so sorry, I saw that Obama sticker and I thought you were mentally retarded."

And, in case you were wondering, yes, the crowd did indeed applaud and laugh at the joke.

I'm pissed at Roddey for a number of reasons, the biggest being that he just made light of the mentally handicapped.  I do, of course, have an Obama sticker on my car, so I'll just get this out of the way right now:

Fuck you, asshole.

Also, Right-Wing blogs and news outlets will now be talking about how us liberals are overreacting to a joke, and how Roddey meant nothing by it.  This is garbage, and I'll come back to it in a second.  He did apologize today, according to a separate article on the same news site:

In email today, Mr. Roddey called his remarks "regrettable," and added, "I have a long record of supporting people with disabilities and should have remembered that before I spoke. My remarks were inappropriate and I apologize."

I appreciate the apology, but obviously it's not up to me to accept it or decline it.  I am curious, however, as to why Sarah Palin didn't nose her way into this (here's the garbage I mentioned like four sentences ago).  A liberal says something about the handicapped (which I don't condone either) and she jumps all over it, but a conservative makes a distasteful joke and she's silent.  What the fuck, Palin?  Don't pick and choose your battles based on party lines.  That's a pretty strong indication that you don't actually have any moral fortitude on the subject.

Image found at The TexasFred Blog.  

I'm only mentioning that to cite the source.  Don't actually go there.

He's surprisingly quite conservative despite the picture.

Also, he sucks.

I Work Through My Sadness By Beating Conservatives With Logic.

As many of you know, I had a bit of a breakdown the other night after Scott Walker won his gubernatorial reelection in Wisconsin.  I threw a good ol' fashioned pity party complete with a gallon of chocolate ice cream, sad clown face paint, and six straight hours of crying like a baby.

I'm kidding, of course.  I got really pissed, wrote a blog post that maybe twelve people read, and then went to sleep.  But I bounced back from my anger (I almost deleted this blog) with the help of my good friend Ted over at Jobsanger, and with the realization of two things: that Walker's victory means nothing and that the American media needs to go away.  I'll have more on that stuff in another post.

Jonah Goldberg Takes The Oddly Unpopular Stance Of Beating Young Adults.

Jonah Goldberg, pictured above, is a writer for the National Review as well as the author of "Liberal Facism."  I don't know if anyone remembers, but he was on "The Daily Show" on 1/16/08 to promote said book.  Jon Stewart promptly tore him a new asshole.  I remember the day quite fondly, because it was when I personally fell in love with Stewart's ability to crush subhuman amoebas like Goldberg in any debate.

More to the point, it's now four years later, and I had completely forgotten about him.  Imagine my surprise when I see his face on ThinkProgress, attached to this headline: "National Review Writer: Conservatives Should 'Beat' Young People Who 'Think Socialism Is Better Than Capitalism'." 

Congress Speaks Like Tenth Graders.

According to the Sunlight Foundation, our representatives in Congress speak at a tenth grade level.  Here's what they have to say:

Congress now speaks at almost a full grade level lower than it did just seven years ago, with the most conservative members of Congress speaking on average at the lowest grade level, according to a new Sunlight Foundation analysis of the Congressional Record using Capitol Words.

Of course, what some might interpret as a dumbing down of Congress, others will see as more effective communications. And lawmakers of both parties still speak above the heads of the average American, who reads at between an 8^th and 9^th grade level.

Today’s Congress speaks at about a 10.6 grade level, down from 11.5 in 2005. By comparison, the U.S. Constitution is written at a 17.8 grade level, the Federalist Papers at a 17.1 grade level, and the Declaration of Independence at a 15.1 grade level. The Gettysburg Address comes in at an 11.2 grade level and Martin Luther King’s “I Have a Dream” speech is at a 9.4 grade level. Most major newspapers are written at between an 11^th and 14^th grade level. (You can find more comparisons here)

Normally I'd poke fun at such a statistic, but I really can't.  See, as much as I would like for my representatives to be intelligent (and therefore speak with an air of intelligence and reason), that's far too much to ask for from a country that averages as 8th-9th grade readers. 

Maybe there IS something in our drinking water after all...

One more thing to put this whole statistic into perspective.  THESE are sophomores (10th graders) in high school:

Young, right?  Now how do you feel about our congressmen and women speaking like tenth graders?

Nightmarish Scenario: Day One Under President Romney.

I want to take a little time to specifically talk about Mitt Romney.  The very definition of a vulture capitalist, Mitt Romney doesn't appear to be as ridiculous as Santorum, Gingrich, Paul, or any of the other Republicans he beat out in the primaries.  But that's only at first glance.

Romney is just as much of an air head as the rest of them.  Many have called him the professional flip-flopper, while others have deemed him a liberal in disguise.  I have to tell ya, guys, if Romney is a liberal, than I must be some kind of radical socialist.

While his religion is off the table in terms of mocking the man himself, I want to get something quickly out of the way: I think Mormonism is one of the most ridiculous excuses for a religion that the Earth has every seen.  It's right up there with Scientology and Pastafarianism (the latter, of course, being a "mock religion").  In essence, I believe Mormonism to be a farce.  Tolerance be damned.

There are three things about Romney I want to share, and none of them are personal.  They are, in fact, policy based.  While it is six months from the election and policy can change (I honestly don't believe he'll even be elected), here is where Romney stands on the Keystone XL Pipeline, Obamacare, and the national budget.

President Obama Reveals Communist Ideals With New Slogan.

Above is President Obama's new campaign slogan.  On the surface it means that he wants to take America and the American people forward.  By and large, I think we can all agree that this is a good thing.  Nobody wants to go backward. 

But what's the subtext?  That President Obama wants to take America and the American people forward?  No, no, no.  It's far more sinister.

Thankfully we have people in this country that know the true meaning of "forward", as well as what Obama's next move as president would be if he wins the 2012 election.  Just a note for all my conservative readers:  I'm being facetious in that last sentence.  Forward means forward and little else.

The Attack On Woman's Rights.

With each day that passes, there's a new headline announcing how yet another state has pushed to repeal some form of a woman's rights.  It's too bad, then, that our disgustingly lazy media would rather report on how large Kim Kardashian's ass has gotten, or the ongoing feud between Hillary Rosen and Ann Romney (which is a pointless argument - both are kind of wrong).

Let's start from the top.  Democrats and liberals, noticing that Republicans and conservatives have become more and more focused on passing legislation that involves only women, began to claim that the GOP was trying to start a war on women.  Republicans and their media arm, Fox News, shot back with the ever-so-adult, "Nah-uh!  You are!"  

Now, to say that this is a "war" is both ridiculous and sensationalist.  It isn't a war.  That's insulting for two reasons: 1) It trivializes actual war (like the one in Afganistan) and 2) It makes it sound like legislators are reaching for their weapons and firing at women.  The proper term, I think, is "attack."  Politicians are attacking the same rights that women have been working towards for the last one-hundred plus years.

Gingrich And Santorum Attack Obama For His Comments About Trayvon Martin's Death.

On the 23rd of March, President Obama spoke out on the murder of seventeen year old Trayvon Martin after a journalist asked him about the case.  He had this to say:

“I’ve got to be careful about my statements to make sure we’re not impairing any investigation that’s taking place right now. But obviously this is a tragedy. I can only imagine what these parents are going through and when I think about this boy, I think about my own kids. I think that every parent in America should be able to understand why it is absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this, and that everybody pulls together, federal, state and local to figure out exactly how this tragedy happened…But my main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon. And I think they are right to expect that all of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness it deserves and we’re going to get to the bottom of exactly what happened.”