Gingrich And Santorum Attack Obama For His Comments About Trayvon Martin's Death.

On the 23rd of March, President Obama spoke out on the murder of seventeen year old Trayvon Martin after a journalist asked him about the case.  He had this to say:

“I’ve got to be careful about my statements to make sure we’re not impairing any investigation that’s taking place right now. But obviously this is a tragedy. I can only imagine what these parents are going through and when I think about this boy, I think about my own kids. I think that every parent in America should be able to understand why it is absolutely imperative that we investigate every aspect of this, and that everybody pulls together, federal, state and local to figure out exactly how this tragedy happened…But my main message is to the parents of Trayvon Martin. You know, if I had a son, he would look like Trayvon. And I think they are right to expect that all of us as Americans are going to take this with the seriousness it deserves and we’re going to get to the bottom of exactly what happened.”

The Shadow War On Religion Is Over.

And we were so close, too.

For the last few decades or so, we've waged our war against the religious institutions of the United States of America.  We have struck from the shadows.  We have meticulously chipped away at the foundations of Christianity at every level of the government.  Victory was all but assured.

But then we slipped up.  President Obama - our figurehead, our face - tried to force religious institutions to offer free contraception to women under their health insurance plans.  And now... now those institutions are on to us.  They now know about the war that we have waged for so long.

My friends.  It is over.

We cannot stand tall and fight back against the journalistic integrity and research that the Fox News machine has to offer.  We cannot fight against honest men like Newt Gingrich, Rick Santorum, the Koch Brothers, Rupert Murdoch, and Roger Ailes.  The former even called us out, saying:

"And I frankly don't care what kind of deal he tries to cut.  This is a man who is deeply committed - if he wins reelection, he will wage war on the Catholic Church the morning after he's reelected."

Who The Hell Is Saul Alinsky?

That side panel quote appears to be grossly misinformed.

We on the left just want to destroy America.  We're far too

lazy to do the rest of that shit.

Before you sit down with your popcorn to watch the next Republican debate, know this: you'll be hard-pressed to hear any facts being thrown around on that dais.   Although, to be fair, if you're watching a Republican debate, you probably aren't all that interested in facts.

But if you're one of those "in the middle" types or, far worse, someone without a backbone that bends to the whim of predictable political fear mongering, then you've probably heard Newt Gingrich compare President Obama to Saul Alinsky who, apparently, was an evil, dirty liberal.

At face value, that does sound quite frightening.  Saul?  The name alone invokes feelings of dread.  I think of Darth Maul from Star Wars.  Don't ask me why.  I just do.  Let me be me.

Republican Presidential Candidates And You.

So many good choices... how could we possibly just

choose one?!

Before I get into the meat of this article (or, more appropriately, the gristle and fat), I want to acknowledge something that I'm willing to bet everyone was expecting me to write about.  Representative Anthony Weiner has caught a lot of deserved flak for tweeting pictures of his... weiner... and having some very strange contact with young women.  He is a married, is a Democrat and, while he did nothing illegal to my knowledge, is still responsible for creating a media sideshow full of obvious puns that lasted far longer than it should have.

I didn't mean to ignore this whole scandal.  I wanted to write about it.  The thing is, I have a habit of watching The Daily Show and The Colbert Report, both of which covered this thing extensively.  Hell, Jon Stewart went to high school with the guy.  They said so much about the incident, I decided that I wouldn't write about it in order to avoid accidently copying a joke or two.  I wasn't trying to dodge it because Representative Weiner is a Democrat.  He deserves just as much hell as anyone else, regardless of what political party he is in.  Truth be told, I think it's more appalling that he lied about it.  "I cannot say with certainty that that is a picture of me"?  Really?  C'mon.  No one bought that.  You should know your own junk shot if you saw it, particularly at your age.  You should be able to pick yours out of a line up of 1,000 by the time you're 40 years old.  

Ugh.  Moving on.

Michele Bachmann. Tea-bagged.

Continuing my trend of showing all of you, my readers, the dumb things politicians say, I examine the top ten quotes of the Tea Party's own Mad Hatter (as if there were just one), Michele Bachmann.  Many of you know her as Minnesota's House Representative, but all of you know her as the bat-shit crazy, stick-up-her -ass conservative that is (potentially) running for....

... you guessed it: President in 2012!  So before you all start jumping for joy at the prospect of a woman other than Sarah Palin getting elected into the commander-in-chief seat, let's take a look at some Michele's little quips.  By the way ladies, can you stand someone up that isn't completely psychotic?  I would really love to have a woman in the white house, but I would prefer it to be someone that isn't out of their mind.

1.) This is her way of saying that the American culture (if one could call our mashed up society a "culture") is the best in the world without actually saying it.  A politician's work-around.  Guess what, Michele?  I can't count on my hands how many cultures in this world are more interesting, or more rich than ours because I don't have enough fingers.  If our culture is the epitome of them all, then humanity is in serious trouble.  Try leaving your limo and security once and awhile.  You'll see what I mean.

I Found The Escaped Reptile From The NY Zoo... But It Was A Newt, Not A Snake...

Fun fact: The muppet "Beeker" was inspired by Newt's face, 

not his physique.

I, my good friends and readers, have come out of a brief period of isolation to bring you some news about a man who will be running as a Republican candidate for the Presidential office in 2012.  Due to some recent comments made by Newt (who is both literally and metaphorically "half reptile") that I cannot ethically let slide, I bring to you the following commentary.

Why am I pissed this time?  First of all, I'm not always angry, and shame on you for assuming such a thing.  I'm actually quite a calm individual.  Until people that represent this country say stupid shit like this:

"I have two grandchildren: Maggie is 11; Robert is 9," Gingrich said at Cornerstone Church here. "I am convinced that if we do not decisively win the struggle over the nature of America, by the time they're my age they will be in a secular atheist country, potentially one dominated by radical Islamists and with no understanding of what it once meant to be an American."