Sunday, November 21, 2010

"M" Rated Games Do Not Turn Your Kids Into Psychopathic Murderers

Now that's parenting.

This argument has been going on for far too long, and it doesn't take a college degree to know that the connection between M-Rated video games and human-on-human violence is tenuous at best.

I have never played a video game and thought to myself, "Wow.  I want to recreate this shit in real life.  Where can I find a rifle that fires bolts of super-heated plasma?"  Or, "I need a new Mustang.  Tomorrow, I'm totally going to carjack some bitches while they are stopped at a red light."  Why?  Because I am a functioning human being, with a firm connection to reality.  Most people that take games seriously snapped long before they picked up the controller.  But for some reason, the opponents of violent games don't notice that.  They see the aggression depicted by fictional graphics on a television screen, and jump to blame the creators.   

Their solution to the sudden sharp rise of violence in M-Rated games lies in censoring the designers and creators by limiting them to a specified amount/type of graphic content they can pack into one game.  This is like passing a law that states that no alcoholic beverage can be more than 1% alcohol, no matter the size of the drink.  Even if you are over 21 and legally able to consume alcohol, you are still being kept from drinking the other 99% of alcohol.  It doesn't make any sense.

People do not become killers or rapists by playing a video game.  By that logic, if I were to play a game where the main character is a Jedi, I would wake up the next morning with a lightsaber and the power to use the Force.  Work like that, the world does not.  If it did, Frogger would have taught thousands of people to try and jump out into traffic.  What happens is that someone with psychopathic or aggressive tendencies plays a violent video game that serves as that final push over the edge of reason.  

Uh-oh... looks like Mom bought little Timmy "Call of Duty 9: Third World
Country Uprising" for Christmas.  Stay out of his way if you're poor and ethnic!

How can people avoid this?  It's incredibly simple.  See that letter on the game's case?  It's called an ESRB rating, and it isn't there to add flair.  It actually serves a purpose.  See, games are rated based on their content, much like movies.  You wouldn't take your five year old to an R-Rated movie, would you?  Let's hope not.  You wouldn't buy your five year old Grand Theft Auto either.  

A rating of "E" means that it is for "Everyone".  Get it?  LOL!  A rating of "T" means that it's for "Teens"! OMFG!  And a rating of "M" means that the game is meant for "Mature" individuals over the age of 17! Now I know what you're thinking.  How am I ever going to remember that?  Luckily, I'm here to give you great advice.  Each rating is the first letter of the rest of the word it represents!  "Amazing!" you say.  "I no rite!?"

So, in other words, don't buy your kid an M-Rated game like Gears of War if he or she is not seventeen. Your main rifle has a fucking chainsaw on it.  

"After Billy hacked his neighbor to pieces with his father's chainsaw, his mother
filed an immediate lawsuit against Gears of War creator 'Epic Games'.  Epic filed a 
countersuit against her for being a fucking imbecile.  Epic won the case, as the evidence 
against her was insurmountable."

And that's the root of the problem.  Parents need to pay more attention to the games they buy their children, and take responsibility when they screw up instead of blaming the game's creator.  The same goes for movies.  And television.  Are your children going to play games and watch things that they shouldn't at friend's houses?  Of course they will, they are kids.  But monitor them.  Teach them the difference between fantasy and reality.  They can't buy these games without you- 95% of video game merchants require a driver's license in order to check your age before selling anything.  I'm also sure that companies like Bungie and Epic Games aren't running a black market where they smuggle their shit to your kids.  So... it's kind of all on you, Mom or Dad.  

Oh, and you old, close-minded assholes running our government better stay the hell away from my M-Rated games.  You wouldn't want to piss this guy off...

Yeah... I don't think he gives a fuck about your censorship laws...



Teen said...

So I totally just watched Dr. Grey perform abdominal surgery. Do you want to put on some scrubs with me and operate on some people?
Also just watched a little Angry Beavers..thinking about making a damn in the Piscatiqua tonight wanna join? Lemme know.

Shaun said...

1.) You took my video game comparison and brought it to television. Absolutely fantastic.
2.) The Angry Beavers is easily one of the best animated cartoons to ever grace the television screen.