Monday, November 22, 2010

3D Blogz! They're All The Rage Now!

Darth Vader iz so kewl now lol

If you aren't wearing your 3D glasses, don't read this post.  Seriously, it will be so blurry that your eyes will cross and then explode out of your head.  I'm kidding of course.  And despite the sillyosity (pronounced "sil-ee-os-city" and yes, I made it up) of the Vader picture, I didn't choose it at random.  You see, George Lucas has exciting news for you!  For the third time, the original Star Wars trilogy will be released into theaters, followed by the second debut of the newer three movies, in DOLBY DIGITAL 3D!  HOLY SHIT.  I'll give you a second to change your pants, as I'm sure you just pissed them in excitement.

Yup, in 2012, the first of them will hit theaters (A New Hope or A Phantom Menace... not sure what the order is yet) and totally blow your mind.  Because, you know... all movies that are converted into 3D after being filmed not in 3D totally rock socks.  

This 3D movie craze is bullshit.  And for once, I'm not directing that at people that like the 3D movies.  Mostly because about 1% of the world's population actually enjoy them.  No, no.  I'm pissed at the movie companies that decide to do this.  The reason most of them don't just film in 3D like James Cameron did with Avatar is due primarily to the fact that it's more expensive.  Filming normally and then converting is not only cheaper- the studio gets to charge extra.  Believe me, I work at a movie theater.  The studio runs everything, and we see little of the ticket profits, even for a 3D movie.  

Case in point: They charge extra for nothing.  If you saw The Last Airbender (I'm sorry if you did), you probably noticed that it wasn't in 3D.  How can you tell?  Take off the glasses.  If it's not blurry as shit, then it's not actually in 3D.  Yeah, you were stiffed by Shymalan.  Note:  I'll get to you later, Shymalan.

The whole 3D thing needs to stop.  Someone needs to tell Hollywood to cut the shit- it's getting annoying.  The art of film is slowing being destroyed.  I do not want to have to wear glasses of any kind when I watch a movie.  It hurts my nose, ruins the picture, and seems to dim the colors.  Fuck you, Hollywood.  

Luckily, there is one man that has stood up to Warner Bros. in particular, and his name is Christopher Nolan.  He's kind of a funny looking dude, but goddamn can he make a movie.

"Hah, 3D?  How about you go fuck yourselves?"

Nolan held his ground when Warner Bros. tried to make him convert Inception into a 3D movie.  They also attempted to force him into making the next Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises, into a 3D film, but he said that he is going to do it in IMAX.  And if they didn't like it, then he wouldn't direct it.  

To sum it all up, movies filmed in 3D are waaaaay better, and are actually worth dropping the extra money on.  However, they also cost more for the studio to make, which causes said studio to lose money.  So, they film it normally, then do a shitty job converting it (which still costs less than just filming in 3D).  You pay extra for a cheap, awful "3D" movie, and they laugh all the way to the bank.  Isn't Hollywood magical?

Oh, and another thing, and this is a bit of a detour.  When you put 3D glasses on, you don't suddenly see in 3D because you are always seeing in 3D.  I know that seems a bit simple, but you wouldn't believe how many people say, "Woah, everything is in 3D now" when they put the glasses on.  The world isn't a two dimensional drawing on a piece of paper, idiot.    

And finally, I want to repeat something that I brought up in an earlier post.  3D movies are incredibly bad for children, and they really aren't good for adults either.  To read more about the visual hazards of 3D movies, check out this health article.

"What's that, honey?  You want to see Avatar for the seventh time in 3D?  
Yeah...I don't think that's a good idea."

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