Monday, November 22, 2010

A Little Advice For Lindsay Lohan.

Remember her when she wasn't a coked up whore?
...Neither do I.

Just a couple quick things before I get to the advice.  One: there are literally thousands of Lindsay Lohan mug shots on google images (make sure you safe search it, for the love of christ).  Two: this picture also came up for some strange reason.  

  She did something wonderful with her hair.

Ok, so, I'll keep this short.  Lindsay Lohan, much like Robert Downey Jr. and Mickey Rourke, can still save her acting career.  I have exclusive video footage of Lohan calling her lawyer and asking for some advice on how to do just that.  Oh, you thought I was going to give her advice?  Yeah, maybe if she was an A-list celebrity.  I'm not going to waste my breath on this hopeless skank.  Anyway, click here to see this exclusive footage.

Oh, and Dina Lohan?  I know you think you're hot shit and super important because you're the mother of Lindsay (who has literally been in nothing worth watching), but I have a news flash for you.  No one gives a flying fuck about you, your opinions, or what you have to say about anything.  And the mere fact that you think people do is unbelievably presumptuous and pretentious.  Shut your mouth and go sit in the corner.  If and when your hopeless daughter ever accomplishes anything worth mentioning in any form of human conversation, we'll call you and tell you it's okay to leave timeout, provided you stop trying to live your life through your offspring.  K THX BYE.


Anonymous said...

I totally agree with everything you say about her, its sad to watch her grow up from the classic movie parent trap to a coked up, trashy, thing that doesnt even care about her body...

Shaun said...

It really is, but at the same time, I kind of expected it. Her mother seems very pushy, and had the girl acting at a very young age. With all of that attention, sometimes people just want to be left alone. Now I have to question her intelligence because turning to hard drugs is not exactly the right way to have the paparazzi stay away from you. In fact, it kind of makes you a bigger target.