Friday, February 11, 2011

How Well Does Craigslist And A Politician Mix?

Answer: About as well as a grown man taking muscle shots of himself 
in the mirror.  Check out those guns, though.  He must spend a lot of time
at the gym when he isn't voting to demolish women's rights.

Every now and then, something happens in the political world that warms the cockles of my heart.  Angels sing sweet melodies directly into my face.  I'm instantly transported to a beautiful glade where I dance and play with the native plethora of fantastical creatures.  This is one of those stories, folks.  And as I'm sure you've guessed by now, it made my week.  

Christopher Lee, a Republican congressman from the great state of New York, resigned from the House of Representatives yesterday because of the above picture and the email that went with it.  No, he wasn't applying to model for Shake Weight.  He was lookin' for ladies.  It's something a lot of people do, oddly enough, and I couldn't honestly care less about it... if it weren't for the fact that he was a Congressman and a "model American"with golden ethics.  Setting aside the fact that few (if any) Senators and Representatives are model anything, the absolute best part about this is that he is married.

What is going on, conservative republicans?  Why are you preaching family values if you can't even keep it in your pants for the few years you're in office?  It seems like every time I turn around, one of you are getting caught doing the exact opposite of what you believe in.  How many times have we heard the whole "anti-gay" schtick, only to catch one of you getting a little bromance on the side, hm?

Speaking of homosexuality, I find it funny that this guy and the rest of his little clown buddies are usually so against gay-marriage, and yet they believe their sham of a union is any better.  Yeah, God frowns on two guys who love each other getting married, but when it comes to you cheating on your wife, you're all set.  

So what exactly happened?  Well, apparently some mid-30's woman in Maryland posted a "woman seeking man" ad on Craiglist (which is basically saying that you're desperate enough to gamble with the odds of getting a normal guy or a rapist), and Mr. Lee responded to it.  He said he was in his late 30's (not true), and was a divorced lobbyist (also not true).  Listen lady, the word "lobbyist" should have shot up your red flags.  The fact that it didn't frightens me.  It's good you quickly made up for the lapse in judgment.

After several exchanged emails, one of which had the above photo attached, the woman decided to do an internet search for him.  You're probably wondering why I didn't mention earlier that he gave her a false name.  That's because he gave her his real name.  And a picture.  Even though he shares the same name with the actor that played Saruman and Count Dooku, I'm sure it didn't take too long to find him.  Hell, I can find most of my Facebook friends on a good Google Image search.  

Appalled by the idea that a married Congressman with a young child had lied to her, the woman decided to send the transcript of the emails to, along with the self-taken muscle picture.  It took literally half a day for this man's entire world to blow up in his face.  I'm not sure why he didn't expect something like this to happen.  Over 40 or not, it's 2011, and most people his age should know how the internet works.

"I'm a douche!"

So, former Representative Lee, allow me to give you a brief list of the things you did wrong.

1) You gave your real name.  Are you that fucking stupid?
2) You didn't even pick a profession that different from your real one.  Both involve the federal government, and lying through your teeth.
3) You sent a self-taken picture of yourself without blurring your face with photoshop.  Come on, guy.
4) You're married.  That might come as a surprise to you, but you are.
5) You missed the memo where Republicans got together and said, "Hey, let's not do anything immoral and dumb from now on."  Well, actually... most of them missed it, so I guess you weren't alone. 
6) You clearly haven't watched the news since the turn of the century.  All of those other politicians that were caught doing shit like this did nothing to deter you from contacting this woman.
7) You underestimated how fast Facebook and Twitter works. posted this story at 2:33 PM.  You were resigning in front of the House by 6 PM... that day.
8) You should have known as soon as you hit "reply" to the ad the first time that this was going to backfire on you.  So why you took that picture of yourself is beyond me. 
9) You're all glamour muscles, dude.  Work on the lesser known groups and actually gain some physical strength.  
10) You were a politician that thought with your "other" brain, if you catch my drift.  Did you learn nothing from the whole Bill Clinton fiasco?  I was eight at the time of that event, and I remember it better than you do.

Still, despite all of these failings, I have to thank you, Mr. Lee.  You turned what would have been a slow blogging week for me into a magical treasure trove of wonder and excitement.  Thank you for being a sleazy, perverted, lying Republican politician that thought he could get away with something like this.  Just remember, there is one place that will always love you- Fox News.  They are going to defend the reputation of the other incumbent Republicans...

Wait... Mark Sanford is definitely a Republican... 
In fact, any search of him would confirm that. saying you're a Democrat.         

Oh, and by the way- Craigslist?  Why Craigslist?  Of all the places to look for chicks, why the hell did you choose Craigslist?  It's the generic "store brand" of hook-up sites.  If you're going to do something this stupid, you might as well pay for top-notch service.  I'm not saying it would have saved you from getting caught.  I'm just saying that you might have had a chance to get laid by an attractive person instead of getting almost-laid by a desperate person on Craigslist.

Click Picture To Enlarge.
My, my.  Someone thinks highly of himself.  I'd be willing to bet a lot of money
on the odds that this guy is a 16 year old nerd with a Star Wars fetish.

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