Sunday, November 28, 2010

Gay Marriage. Don't like it? Don't get one.

If homosexuals are demons in disguise, then what does
that make a hate-filled, ignorant asshole such as yourself? 

I've had about enough of this stupid, drawn out argument.  There is no reason why homosexual men and women cannot get married.  None.  The definition of marriage means nothing, and neither does the out-of-context passage in your old book.  Just the same, there is no reason why gay couples shouldn't be allowed to adopt either.  Recent studies have proven that children raised by gay parents not only grow up to be exceptional human beings, they are generally more well-behaved.  Oh, what's that?  You'd rather a kid grow up in a shelter?  Or on the street?  Or in a home where the father abuses the mother on a nightly basis?  I see your point- at least he won't grow up to be gay.  By the way, child molesters, murderers, and hardcore drug dealers are allowed to get married and have kids.  You don't see anyone stopping them.  Are gay parents really that bad?  (Hint: The answer is No.)

Anyway, back to marriage.  The dictionary defines marriage in several different forms, with the top three being the most common usage.  Notice how only one mentions man and a woman.  Looks like the old definition is outnumbered.  By the way, when has the definition of a word mattered this much?  As times change, so do words.  Case in point: the word "gay".  It used to be a synonym for "happy", then it became a synonym for homosexual, and now it has, unfortunately, two meanings.  One is homosexual, and the other seems to be "stupid".  Don't sit there and pretend you haven't heard it, or even said it.  I won't- I used to say it all the time.  But I've smartened up.  Whenever you hear this in public, say something to the person misusing the word.  If nothing else, it will get them thinking and will probably reduce the amount of times they use it over the course of a few days/weeks.  

Let's get down to it.  Here are some good reasons to not allow gay marriage:
1) ...Whoops! There are no good reasons!  Only shitty reasons!  And here they are:
     a.) "Marriage is between a man and a woman."  Wow, what a fantastic argument.  Let me try using some of that intelligent reasoning.  Watching television is between a man's eyes and his television set.  Sorry, ladies, looks like you aren't going to be able to catch next week's episode of Glee.  
     b.) "Allowing gays to marry will only lead to people marrying animals."  Really?  Just because gay people can get married, doesn't mean all of the advocates of bestiality are suddenly going to crawl out of the woodwork and demand the right to marry their house cat.  And that's a one way argument anyway.  Animals can't talk, so they don't have the capacity to say, "Please stop this freak from kissing me with his tongue."  Humans do.  Which is why people that are homophobic don't have to worry about getting "gay married" to anybody.  The very fact that our government thinks us dumb enough to try and marry our pets for tax reasons or benefits of any kind is incredibly insulting.  

Now she's got the best Health Care Sea World can provide!

     c.) "Marriage is about procreation and the continuation of humanity."  Hear that, infertile heterosexuals?  Guess you can't get married either.  I'm pretty sure that marriage is not about having kids- I know plenty of people that have kids and aren't married, or that are married and don't have- let alone want- kids.  It's not like there is a switch in your head that requires you to be married before you can get pregnant, or get someone pregnant.  Marriage is about love, commitment, and support, not about something as simple as having sex and spitting out babies.  Nice try though.
     d.) "Marriage has been unchanged since it started with the dawn of Christianity."  Nope.  Marriage predates even Judaism by several thousand years.  And back then, I would be willing to bet you could marry an animal.  
     e.) "Letting gays get married and adopt kids promotes the homosexual agenda."  You mean their equal opportunities for all agenda?  Damn them and their basic human rights.  Homosexuality is not an agenda and it is not a choice.  The reason for being gay was discovered about seventeen years ago by Dean Hamer, and it has nothing to do with choosing between the sexes.  If you are a heterosexual reader, I must ask you... when did you choose to be a heterosexual?  Comment below, I'd love to hear it (even if it is made up!).  
     f.) "God says-"  Stop right there.  I don't want to hear it.  Faith has nothing to do with this argument, and it shouldn't.  There is a thing called freedom of religion in America that also means freedom from it.  The Bible, the Torah, the Koran, The Necronomicon... these books have no legal standing in this country and, because of this, no one should be able to impose their rules on others simple because they believe it to be the will of their God.  Oh, and another thing.  Mentioning God and his decrees in any argument usually ends with you losing it.  By bringing these things up, it signifies to your "opponent" that you are in a tight corner, and have fallen back on something that cannot be proven true or false.  I'm not trying to harass my religious readers.  I'm merely saying that faith is just that- belief in something that hasn't been proven or falsified.    

"Honey, every store I've been to has 
been completely out of 'be treated equally'!"

With all of the opponents of gay marriage coming up with such logical and convincing arguments against legalizing it, how could I possibly still believe it's a good thing?  I'm just silly like that I suppose.  But in all seriousness, their argument boils down to "because".  Why shouldn't they be allowed to get married?  "Because."  Why shouldn't they be allowed to adopt?  "Because."  When has "because" ever won an altercation?  
"So why did we invade Iraq again, Mr. President?"

Oh, uh... bad example.

There has to be a set of real reasons that us on the pro-gay marriage side haven't heard.  Honest reasons not hidden behind what can best be described has hatred and fear.  Here's what I think they are:
1) "They're trying to recruit us!" Nope.  Homosexuality is not something you sign up for.  It's not the Army.  
2) "I don't want them raping me!"  This is a male fear, and it goes back to our primate instincts.  I heard it a lot at Basic Training when the subject of allowing gays into the military would come up.*  First of all, what makes you think you're so desirable to a gay man anyway?  Second of all, unless you are in prison, you have nothing to worry about.  In fact, if you are in prison, I'd be more concerned with the heterosexual inmates trying to pass you around like the newest flavor of Ben & Jerry ice cream.  
3) "It's unnatural for the same sex to have sex!"  Again, nope.  Most species of animals are capable of expressing homosexual tendencies.  Some mate for life like heterosexuals, and others just like to have a fling.  Humans aren't the only creatures on this Earth, and we certainly aren't the most important.  
4) "...It's gross though!"  You know what's gross?  You groping your heterosexual significant other in public.  Get a room- no one wants to see that shit.  Actually, why do you care what goes on in a gay couple's bedroom?  Stop sticking your nose in everyone's life.  You aren't wanted or needed, I'm sure.
5) "...Shit."  Mhmm, you've been discovered.

*What's funny about this is that we actually had a homosexual female in our company, but none of the men seemed to care.  But when the subject of gay men came up, so did the shields of hatred and rage.  Interesting...

The title of this post says it all, really.  If you don't like gay marriage, don't get one.  It's that simple.  There is no good reason to stop anybody from being happy and living their life to the fullest, even if you are against it.  Just ignore it.  It's not like anybody is going to make you marry someone of the same sex.  

Oh, and one last thing.  I hate to play the "political party" card, but Republicans?  Remember that you aren't speaking for yourselves, you are speaking for the people you represent.  Just because you're old, white, rich, and full of seething hatred for all things different than you, doesn't mean you have to vote that way.  

*The idea for this article was given to me by the author of Scrumptious Baking!  Go over there and check it out- learn how to make pumpkin chocolate chip cookies and cinnamon roll bread!*


Manda said...

you are friggin amazing!

Shaun said...

Tell me something I don't know!