Wednesday, October 31, 2012

I Am Officially Done With CNN.

CNN is a ratings whore.  I've known that for awhile now.  In my youth (early teens), it was the only news source I really cared to pay attention to.  Now it's one of the last places I go for it, if at all.

This screen shot from 10:42 P.M. est time today is exactly why I will never go there for news again.  Here are just a few things that CNN considers newsworthy:

- 'DWTS' elimination shocks judges
- The 'Fresh Prince' can still freestyle
- Horse paints amazing self-portrait
- Photos: Celebrities celebrate Halloween
- Exploding pumpkin demo goes awry
- 'Jersey Shore' cast on Sandy devastation

That last one is my personal favorite.  I could give two - no!- three flying fucks as to what the cast of that awful reality show has to say about anything. 

CNN, you are a national news organization, not Entertainment Tonight.  Get your fucking shit together.  If I wanted to see a horse paint a self-portrait of itself, I'd give Ann Coulter a paint brush with a pallet full of hellish nightmare colors.

Just for comparison, here's a quick list of things that I care more about than the above six "news" stories from CNN:

1) Whether or not cats fart.
2) Just how mellow "Mellow Yellow" is.
3) Amoebas.
4) My dead great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandparents (on either side).
5) Bird Flu and Swine Flu (a.k.a. the fucking flu)
6) The blister on my foot that disappeared three years ago.
7) The bent bristles on my broom (stay straight, you assholes!).
8) Other people's dandruff.
9) My fourth grade girlfriend.  How could you do that to me, Kristen!?!
10) The positioning and overall well-being of my best friend's testicles.  You're my boy, Dom.

So goodbye, CNN.  It was nice knowing you, I guess.  Let me know if you ever stop with the intelligence-insulting gimmicks.  At least then I'll be able to recommend a somewhat reliable news outlet to my two cats.  

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