Have you ever been called a mean name by a kid? Have you ever been physically injured by a child who truly meant you no harm? What was your first reaction? If you're like me, you'll be a man about it and challenge the little punk to a schoolyard fight (3:00 - by the big slide).
If you're an idiot, you'll get a lawyer and file a lawsuit because this is America goddamn it.
Elizabeth Lloyd is that idiot. Two years ago, Lloyd was at a little league game in her home state of New Jersey when she "was hit in the face by a stray ball thrown by then 11-year-old Matthew Migliaccio who is the team's catcher. He was throwing a ball back to a pitcher in the bullpen, but missed his mark. The ball bounced from the pitcher's glove and hit Lloyd in the face." (Examiner)
Naturally, she decided to sue poor Matthew for a whopping $150,000 for "severe, painful, and permanent injuries" because she believes that she was targeted and attacked. The lawsuit even claims that Matthew's little league throw was "assault and battery."
I'll give you a second to pick your jaw up off the floor. That's where I found mine when I first read this story.
Is Lloyd serious? Matthew wasn't targeting her if the ball bounced from the pitcher's glove before introducing itself to her face. She just had a run of bad luck. And $150,000 for permanent injuries?! How hard did this kid throw the ball in the first place? A lot of it's momentum had to have been stolen from it when it bounced off the glove. I can't imagine anything worse than a fat lip, broken nose, or black eye. I just can't.
Alas, my friends, it gets hilariously better. Mr. Lloyd is also suing Matthew Migliaccio. What for, you ask? "He charges that because of the 11-year-old's actions he has lost the 'services, society and consortium of his wife'." (Examiner) In other words, kiddos, Mrs. Lloyd is so traumatized and injured by Matthew's baseball that Mr. Lloyd doesn't get to have sex anymore.
This entire scenario bears repeating: Matthew Migliaccio, an eleven year old boy in little league, winds his stick-thin arm back and throws a baseball just hard enough to avoid being thrown off course by a slight breeze. That baseball bounces off the target, loses most of its force, and ricochets into Elizabeth Lloyd's eager, waiting face, somehow shattering it into a million tiny pieces and effectively ruining her life. Miserable and hurt, she no longer seeks solace in the company of her husband, Mr. Lloyd, be it socially or sexually. Mr. Lloyd could comfort her and help her work through this troubling time but nay! He will do what is truly right. He will show his wife his support by slapping that eleven year old little asshole with a second lawsuit.
I wish I could say this whole thing surprises me, but America is known for its ridiculous lawsuits. Here's a list of ten of them, including one woman who sued Universal Studios for "emotional distress and mental anguish" after going through a haunted house.
Hopefully the case will get thrown out. It's been two years now, and Matthew (or should I say Thor?) was just served the papers a week and a half ago. Elizabeth Lloyd and her husband are trying to take advantage of the Migliaccio's, and that's not right. What do you think about this couple? Do they deserve compensation or should they just be told to suck it the hell up and act like adults?
I'll leave you with this thought from Anthony Pagano, the Migliaccio's attorney: "I just think that it's disgusting that you have people suing an 11-year-old kid for overthrowing his pitcher in the bullpen. It's horrible this can actually happen and get this far. Ultimately, hopefully, justice will prevail."
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