Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Birthers: Natural Born Dumbasses.

It's really no surprise to me that the Birther movement is alive and well in the state of Arizona.  This is the same state, remember, that passes illegal and racist laws on a regular basis and, most surprisingly, has a law on the books stating that there are to be no more than two dildos per household.  You read that right.  Arizona lawmakers actually refer to their residents as "dildos."

...Anyway, the state has a lot of "Birthers" - people that don't believe that our incumbent president is a natural-born American citizen.  The other definition, of course, being:

A natural-born citizen who, by coincidence, happens to be a natural-born racist, natural-born moron, and a natural-born asshole.

Thank you, Urban Dictionary.  

He was, of course, born in the state of Hawaii in 1961.  The controversy all arose when he refused to release his birth certificate, saying that it would do nothing to stop the movement because nobody in it would believe the document was legitimate.

After a few years of listening to these idiots come up with conspiracy theories, he decided he had heard enough.  He had the state of Hawaii release his long-form birth certificate (pictured below) and guess what?  The Birthers, as he predicted, didn't fucking believe it.  Of course they didn't!  It didn't fit their narrative.

So now, many ranking officials in Arizona are on a witch hunt to prove President Barack Obama was not born here in the U.S.  After more than four years of listening to this paranoid garbage, the Hawaii government is getting sick of it.  I used to work at a movie theater, and after three calls of, "Can you tell me what time _________ is playing?", I would get extremely frustrated.  Can you imagine listening to that shit for four fucking years?

What's going on in Arizona now, you ask?  Two things.  The first is that, recently, the Secretary of State for Arizona, Ken Bennett, threatened to take Obama off the 2012 ballot in his state if Hawaii could not produce a legitimate birth certificate.  Hawaii's response (I would hope)?

"Dude, what the FUCK!?  Don't you have Google in Arizona?!"

He has since gone back on his threat, and said that Obama would be on the ballot provided he jumped through all the necessary hoops like every other candidate (facepalm).

This guy looks like a white supremacist.

 The second issue that has arisen stems from Sheriff Joe Arpaio (pictured above).  I'm not sure about his own past (or really who he is), nor do I give a shit, but he has made a lot of unnecessary noise for the Birther movement.  Here's what he's up to, courtesy of Don Hamel over at Addicting Info:

Joe Arpaio, Sheriff of Maricopa County, Arizona, and one of the leading lights of the tragically dim ‘birther movement,’ has enlisted a sworn deputy to act as “security” in Hawaii for his ‘investigation.’ Arpaio has made a lot of noise in the past about his ‘Cold-Case Posse,’ and it’s supposed reliance on volunteers and and donated funds, but now his investigation appears to need the use of a taxpayer-funded deputy.

What’s more, the Maricopa Sheriff’s Office has also provided the cost of airfare and hotel rooms for the deputy, as well as ‘volunteer posse member’ Mike Zullo. Arpaio says he expects to reimburse those costs, but why should Arizona taxpayers be expected to fund any part of this ridiculous vendetta?

Aside from all the usual motivations that most ‘birthers’ bring to the table, Sheriff Joe has an extra incentive in trying to displace President Obama; Arpaio’s administration is under investigation by the Justice Department for a variety of offenses that, of course, include racial discrimination.

And while it’s not unusual to find strains of racism at the heart of the movement, it’s not every birther that the Justice Department investigates.

It seems as though Arpaio is throwing all his (and now, Arizona’s) resources into some kind of 11th-hour, last-ditch B-movie quality conspiracy investigation that will show the president to be a foreign pretender. And cast himself as humble Sheriff Joe, the hero that saved the day. And while he contends that his investigations aren’t politically motivated, he has also claimed that they were all privately funded.

Arpaio contends that the deputy is a legitimate expenditure, “It’s one deputy, so what? We have security issues, too, that I can’t got into. For six months we were not spending any money. When you’re doing investigations sometimes things change, you put more resources into it.”

He also insists that the deputy is not expected to make any arrests saying, “He’s just a liaison to give advice if needed. He’s not doing anything. The posse’s been doing the research.”

So, now that law enforcement resources have been brought in, can we assume that Joe is that much closer to arresting Obama?

So what does the president think of Sheriff Joe and the rest of the Birther Movement?


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