Friday, December 23, 2011

True Marriage is Between A Man, A Woman, and The Man She is Cheating on Her Husband With.

The Republican Minnesota State Senate Majority Leader (that's quite the mouthful), Amy Koch, is definitely for traditional marriage - no question about it.  She authored a bill that would define marriage in her state to be between a man and a woman.  Not man and man.  Not woman and woman.  Not man and beast (we all know that's what homosexuality leads to).  

Unfortunately, her "righteous" crusade has ended, destroyed by the very thing she had campaigned against - the gays.  While she did not acknowledge this, John Medeiros, co-curator of Minneapolis' Intermedia Arts' Queer Voices reading series, most certainly did.  So what happened?

Well, married Senator Koch resigned because she had an "inappropriate affair" with an unnamed male staffer.  Who it is doesn't really matter.  What matters is that he was not Mr. Koch, and neither was his penis (I hope).  

So homosexual marriage is not traditional - it's wrong and immoral - but heterosexual marriage that includes adultery is... okay?  That is some of the most hypocritical bullshit I've heard since... yesterday, I guess.  If there is a God, particularly the one that Christians worship, I would think He would rather see two men who are committed to each other and love each other get married than a man and woman that treat marriage like it's a cell phone contract.  

Yes, in about a year you'll realize that the phone you bought is a piece of shit and you'll want out of the contract, but you can't get out of it without a seven billion dollar cancellation fee.  That doesn't mean you pass the bill off to your husband and go buy a new tracfone.  

Her hypocrisy, then, can only be explained by one thing: that homosexuals have ruined traditional marriage.  At least, that what John Medeiros believes.  So he wrote the ex-State Senator a letter of apology.

Dear Ms. Koch,

On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community's successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage.  We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an "illicit affair" with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.

We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry.  And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.

It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of "adultery."

Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that "gay marriage" is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.

And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone's family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.

From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.

Thank you.
John Medeiros
Minneapolis MN

It's times like this I really wish there was a "Sarcasm Font."  He said that better than I ever could (and I've tried).  There is absolutely nothing wrong with gay marriage.  Nothing.  It is no different than "traditional marriage", and they have every right to the same slew of benefits as every other couple.

If you don't like gay marriage, don't get gay married.

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1 comment:

Hannah Kramer said...