Rick Perry Is An Asshole.

As most of you probably know, I am no fan of Governor Rick Perry.  If you didn't know that, well... I'm not a fan of Governor Rick Perry.  I'm glad that's out in the open.  Setting aside the fact that Texas found the one person in America that is a living, breathing caricature of George W. Bush (who was, on his own, an amalgam of every Southern stereotype), I can't stand Rick Perry for the following reasons:

1.) My cats could probably beat him in a debate, and I'm pretty sure one of them is mentally challenged.  Seriously - he runs into walls and tries to bite lit candles.

2.) He puts himself on this pedestal of righteousness that he doesn't deserve.  The man is a con artist, and any fifth grader with access to Google could tell you the same.  Roughly eight years ago, Perry tried to earn himself, the state of Texas, and Wall Street speculators money off of the deaths of retired teachers with a life insurance scheme.  Would the families get anything?  No.  And just the other day, my fellow blogger over at Jobsanger wrote a great post about how Perry "retired" in January- while still governor of Texas -and is now receiving both a salary and a pension.      

3.) Uhhhh.....uhmmmm.....I forgot.  Oops.



Rick Perry recently nailed his coffin shut in my book when he released his now infamous television ad in which he said, and I quote, "I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian, but you don't need to be in the pew every Sunday to know there's something wrong in this country when gays can serve openly in the military but our kids can't openly celebrate Christmas or pray in school. As President, I'll end Obama's war on religion. And I'll fight against liberal attacks on our religious heritage. Faith made America strong. It can make her strong again."  (Click here to watch the ad for yourself) At the time of this posting, the ad has almost 700,000 dislikes on YouTube, compared to the 22,000 likes.  Comments are, unfortunately, disabled.  I can't imagine why.

Perry used the ad to play on the fears of Christians throughout the United States.  There is no war on religion (and if there is one, it certainly isn't spearheaded by the Obama Administration).  Kids can pray in school.  And no one is told not to openly celebrate Christmas.  That is all absolute bullshit.

Seriously, watch Perry's "Strong" ad.  I can't even

express how much joy this picture brings to me.

And I cannot for the life of me let the first part of the ad go.  "I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm a Christian..."  Really?  Why would you be?  Your religion is in control of America.  That statement has all of the bigotry and sarcasm of an 1800's slave owner telling his friends that he isn't ashamed to admit that he's white.

Finally, let's not forget the most crucial part of Perry's message - that those evil homosexuals are joining the military just so they can rape our buff heterosexual soldiers.  Okay, so he didn't say that, but it's pretty much implied - and it's been said by the right wing before.  This is not reality, folks.  It does not happen anywhere except for prison (where, oddly enough, it's usually straight guys doing the raping).

Don't Ask Don't Tell was archaic and, quite frankly, embarrassing to a nation that prided itself on freedom.  Homosexuals should be allowed to fight for their country.  Denying them that right is both ridiculous and unreasonable.  

So what exactly are his reasons?  That's a good question.  I'm glad a fourteen year old, openly bisexual young woman asked Rick Perry why he was so opposed to homosexuals serving openly in the military -  point blank - just the other day in Iowa.  Here's the video.  It's a little less than two minutes, and definitely worth watching, no matter how awkward and uncomfortable it gets.  Pay attention to the last three seconds of it in particular.  The look on Ms. Green's face is priceless.

In the end, Rick Perry proves to be exactly what I pegged him for months ago, when his presidential run was only a rumor: Big Business's pet monkey-in-a-suit.  Watch him dance!

GOP, let's get serious for a minute.  Ditch this guy, okay?  Find someone else.  Not Donald Trump, not Sarah Palin.  How about someone with a goddamn brain?  There has to be at least a handful of them in your party.  If you want any chance of beating President Obama in 2012, you're going to have to do a lot better than the insane group of ass clowns you've paraded in front of us so far.