Written By Tim Bob-Joe.
I was mighty humbled when the writer of "A Sane Break" gave me permission to write a guest blog post that would be featured today. I had planned on writing about Nascar, God, and wholesome Christian values, but last night's news completely blew that idea out of the water.
Now I'm stuck writin' about them queers in New York. Can you believe it!? Homosexuals are now allowed to marry in one of the most populated states in America! How dare they infringe on my sacred, God-given right to marry a woman, and then foul that marriage in any way I see fit? Now they can cheat on their spouses now too!
This is some bullshit. What kind of left-wing, socialist country has America been turned into? It's that Osama - I mean, Obama - 's fault. Came into office as one of them whatchamacallit "community organizers", leading this country with his arugula-eatin' elitist values. You know, I heard he wasn't even a CHRISTIAN. One o' them Mohammed fellers.
If there's one thing I don't like, it's a socialist, black
Muslim! How did he even get elected? I blame you,
young people up North!
So now that them gays can get married in New York, I'm thinkin' that religious old raisin out west is right about the apocalypse. It's October fer sure. Maybe sooner. Hell, all the evidence in the Good Book points to it!
How'd I find out about the news, you ask? Well, when I woke up this mornin', I turned on the tv while I made my grits and put the channel on Fox News. I had to use my hand, o' course, cause my clicker's broken. Anyway, them Fox n' Friends, with that blond lady? Well, she made it pretty damn clear what had happened last night. How them Satan followin' homosexuals convinced the legislature of New York to give them the right to marry, probably by convertin' 'em.
I bet everyone in New York is gonna be queer now. Guess I won't be goin' up North anytime soon. I wouldn't want to catch the gay. Course, I shoulda known somethin' was up before I even crawled outta bed. My dog, Ted Nugent (you can bet your ass I call him "The Nuge"), crawled into bed with me and gave me quite the look. He probably thinks that since gays can get married in New York, it's only a matter of time before people and animals will be gettin' married. I told him, I said, "Look here, Nuge. I ain't marryin' no damned dog. Now get outta my room afore I cuff ya!" Took off pretty quick, he did.
This is my dog, The Nuge. Shoulda known he
was gay when I caught him sniffin' another male dog's ass.
You just watch, though. First men can marry men, an' the next thing ya know, Obama and his big socialist cronies will be passin' laws that allow men to marry their dogs. Can you imagine? Well, pretty soon you won't have to.
Thanks again for allowin' me to write for ya, "A Sane Break". I'm sure you won't be regrettin' it.
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I already am regretting it, you ignorant hick. I wanted to go through your post and edit it for idiocy, but in the rough draft of that, I was left with only a sentence or two. Besides, that would take away the spirit of this blog, am I right?
I am, of course, super excited that New York legalized gay marriage. It's a step in the right direction for this country, and human rights everywhere. Now if other states could step it up and do the right thing, we'd be in business. Hey, Maine, maybe you could start by re-legalizing it? Or will the couple thousand old white people of the state get in the way again?
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