Thursday, November 18, 2010

Public Service Announcement: The Word "Irregardless".

Hello.  My name is Shaun, and I am here to talk to you about a disastrous plague that is sweeping the English language- people that say "irregardless" in conversations, or in writing.  Some of you know it as "Never Learned It" syndrome.  Others know it as "It's fun to Say"-itis.  But the scientific term for it is Ignorance.  The dictionary defines Ignorance as a "lack of knowledge, information, or education".  In other words, people that say "irregardless" are extremely stupid.

But you can do something about it.  Here at the Tangibly Weakened Acceptable Tagmemics School (or TWATS), we have been working with perpetual prefix abusers such as the Ignorants in an effort to understand why people believe that "irregardless" is a word.  We came up with one very likely cause:  People use it like they would the other "ir-" words, like irregular, irrevocable, irresistible, and irretrievable.  But what makes "irregardless" different?

TWATS found the answer.  You see, regardless means "without regard" (which is negative), and people believe that "irregardless" means the same thing.  But it doesn't.  The prefix ir-, which is also negative, turns an already negative word into a double negative.  So now, irregardless means "without without regard."  In other words, people that use the word "irregardless" in casual conversation (assuming it's not an unfortunate slip of the tongue) are not only extremely stupid- they want everyone around them to know that they are extremely stupid.  TWATS believes that is an Ignorant's call for help.  

Still, there are many who deny the claim that "irregardless" is not a word because it can be found in the dictionary.  Unfortunately, these people are stubborn and nine times out of ten cannot be rehabilitated.  Here at TWATS, they are usually dragged out back and shot in the head in the most humane way possible.  But if you believe that you can save a stubborn Ignorant, here's what you need to do: Point out that just because it is in the dictionary, doesn't mean that it is a standard word, it merely means that the word is in common use.  Yes, there are more uneducated Ignorants out there than TWATS originally believed.  You see, "ain't" is indeed now in the dictionary, but it is still not a proper word, and one that is not accepted in writing- just like "irregardless".

Again, there is no permanent cure for ignorance, no miracle drug or fancy protein shake.  Just knowledge.  If you or someone you know suffers from ignorance and/or a poor education, give TWATS a call.  We'll help if we can.  

And if not, we'll drag them out back and put a bullet in their head.

This message was brought to you by Smart People.  Smart People- 
Keeping the world from falling apart since the dawn of man.


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